By: Kourtney Smith
Every couple has moments where something small suddenly turns into a big argument. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
As Kate Ryan from Focus on the Family said, “That is every relationship known to man… they’re in good company.”
The good news? There’s nothing wrong with you or your relationship. You may just need a new way of understanding each other.
You Come From Different Worlds
When you enter a relationship, you bring your family background with you. The transcript explains, “When you go into marriage, you come from a family of origin… you have learned everything.”
Your partner does the same. You both have different “normal” ways of communicating, solving problems and expressing emotions. So when those worlds collide, it’s easy to “start to knock heads because you’re coming from a different perspective.”
The key is to recognise the differences rather than fight them.
Honour Each Other’s Backgrounds
Instead of judging, get curious. Kate said, “There’s nothing wrong with your family from where you came from… but honour those spaces.”
That means:
- Acknowledge where habits come from
- Show respect, even if you don’t agree
- Realise your way isn’t the only way
When you understand the “why” behind your partner’s response, it changes everything. As Kate put it, “When you try and understand the other person… you go, ‘Oh, that’s why.’”
Create a New Normal Together
You’re not meant to copy your family or theirs. You’re building something new.
“You need to come to a new normal for you and your spouse,” they said.
Ask each other:
- How do we want to handle conflict?
- What does respect look like to us?
- What is “our” way of doing things?
This helps you get on the same page but first, you need to know what the page is.
Communication Is the Bridge
Ironically, the way to get on the same page is communication and communication is often the problem.
We assume our partner thinks like us. But, as they reminded, “The other person is not a mind reader.”
So instead of expecting, ask questions:
- “Can you explain what you meant?”
- “How are you feeling about this?”
- “What do you need from me?”
Even if one of you talks more, and the other is quieter, it’s still possible to communicate. “It doesn’t mean broken… but we need to work out how to get on the same page.”
You’re Always Learning
No couple gets this perfect. And that’s okay. When you honour each other’s past, communicate with curiosity and build your own “normal,” small things stop becoming big battles and start becoming opportunities to grow together.
Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.
Feature image: Canva
