By: Michelle Nortje
Clients often come to therapy struggling with the weight of decisions. I’ve heard comments like, “What if I make the wrong choice?”, “I’m so tired of making decisions every day!”, or “There are just too many options, how can I possibly decide?”
Decision-making can feel exhausting, especially when the stakes feel high or when every choice seems to lead in a different direction. The truth is, our decisions shape our path and the pressure to “get it right” can feel overwhelming. But with a little mindfulness, clarity, and alignment with our values, we can approach decisions with more confidence and less stress.
Here are four brief tools or questions I often use in therapy to help guide clients through both big and small decisions:
1. Clarify Your Values
Is this decision aligned with your core values? When choices reflect what truly matters to us – whether it’s connection, growth, authenticity, balance – we are far less likely to experience regret later. Even if the outcome is challenging, a values-based decision often feels meaningful and self-respecting. If you’d like a practical step-by-step for clarifying your own values, this values clarification worksheet developed by Brene Brown is a great starting point.
2. Check in With Your Emotions and Needs
Take a moment to notice your emotional response to the choice or decision you’re facing. Emotions can offer valuable information about what we need. For example, if you’re feeling exhausted after a long week, that might be your body asking for rest. Maybe that means rescheduling a date night so you can show up more present and energised. Listening to your internal signals often leads to more compassionate and sustainable choices.
3. Try a Personalised Pros and Cons List
Sometimes it helps to put all of our options down on paper so that we really know what we’re dealing with. Weighing your choices according to criteria that are personally meaningful and relevant, not just what others might expect of you, can bring clarity. This process can reveal which option best supports your current situation, resources, and emotional state.
4. Let Go of the Idea of a ‘Perfect’ Decision
No option is likely to be completely risk- or regret-free. Even the “right” choice might carry some discomfort or tricky consequence. For example, staying home from a friend’s birthday because you’re unwell may be the wisest decision for your health, but it might also bring up sadness or guilt. Accepting that all choices involve trade-offs can free you from paralysis and perfectionism.
5. Give Yourself Permission to Take Your Time
Give yourself space and time when facing a tough decision. In a fast-paced world, we often feel pressured to choose quickly, fearing we’ll fall behind or let others down. Pausing, whether for a moment of deep breath, a day to reflect, or a week to gather more information or internal resources, allows you to connect more fully with your values, emotions, and needs. It gives your nervous system a chance to settle, reducing the urgency that can lead to impulsive or avoidant decisions. When you participate mindfully in the process, rather than rushing the outcome, the decisions you make are more likely to feel grounded, authentic, and sustainable.
Decisions can be hard work, and sometimes we avoid them in the hopes that the situation will resolve itself. But staying stuck in indecision can be even more distressing and overwhelming. Hopefully, these simple steps can help bring a little more clarity and self-compassion to whatever decision you may be facing today.
Article supplied with thanks to The Centre for Effective Living.
Feature image: Canva
