How to keep your teen talking without pushing them away

Susan Woodworth from Walk and Talk Psychology  discusses the emotions that teenagers face as they are navigating different relationships and the pressure of those things competing for their attention.

“In my practice,” she began, “I actually give this homework to nearly all the parents of teenagers that I see.”

While toddlers have big emotions about the colour of their plate, teenagers are dealing with many internal emotions. Susan uses the term Conversation Loop to describe how to navigate talking with your teenager to keep them talking.

The Conversation Loop

“If your teenager came up to you and said, look, mum and dad, I’m having a really, really hard time and it would be really helpful if we could sit together and talk about this, that’s what you want them to hear.”

Unfortunately, it is seldom the case with teens.

Teenager Talk

“Teenager talk is a little different,” said Susan. “All behaviour is communication. The teenagers will say, ‘You don’t understand me. You don’t get it. You’re not even listening to me. It’s not the same as it was for you as it is for me.’”

Susan said that is their version of saying, ‘I am already irritated.’

Three Common Mistakes

One of the common mistakes parents can make is reacting to a behaviour before hearing the message underneath.

“If they’re giving you a hard time, they’re always having a hard time.”

The second is trying to have a serious conversation when parents are busy.

“Just before you are making dinner or getting ready to leave the house… Don’t have those conversations then. You are going to let your kid down when you have to leave.”

Finally, having these conversations while looking through your own lens of life experience.

“Instead, you need to focus on your child.”

Susan said it is more important to be with your child and pay attention to their problems, rather than trying to fix it through your own lived experience.

“Saying things like, ‘just don’t hang out with them… they’re not nice people,’ is an example where you are not actually listening to them.”

How to Have Conversations

1. Pay Attention

1. “Number one, pay attention to when they’re asking you to listen to them. Those words they said before, means, I need you to listen to me.

2. Set Aside Time

“You’ve got to set aside an hour of uninterrupted time to talk with them. It might not take that long, but it may do. So set aside an hour. And when you do it, have a relaxed atmosphere. So something non-confrontational, something like having bubble tea together or having hot chocolate or going for a walk together.”

3. Just Sit and Listen

Susan says that if your teenager doesn’t want to talk to you, just enjoy your time with them.

“Just sit and be quiet. No, don’t try and talk. Don’t say anything. Don’t offer advice. Don’t just say, ‘What’s going on? It looks like you’re having a hard time.’ Don’t offer any advice. Just listen.”

Susan recognises that it may be hard for parents to resist talking because so many want to offer wisdom and draw from their own experiences. She emphasises that listening is key.

“Just focus just on listening because there’s no point giving advice until you really understand what’s going on for them. So you don’t talk at all. When it’s your turn, when they’re finished, you try to repeat back what they’ve said in your own words.”

It helps them to see that you understand and hear them.

“Then you say, ‘Okay, what am I still not getting?’ If they say, ‘Close enough,’ it means ‘No’.”

“Ask them if they need any help, but usually once they’ve got the space to process this and talk about it. They’ve usually got it.”

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

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The skill most of us get wrong

Warren Davies shares about the difference between listening and just hearing someone, beginning by painting a picture of the difference, using his line of work as an example.

Ting Symbol

“I first came across the concept doing a domestic violence course with Lifeline and there was on a page a Chinese symbol and it’s the Ting symbol which is the symbol of listening more than just you know hearing. It is where you are listening with your whole body.”

He explained that this involves listening not only with your ears, but also eyes and heart; giving that person your undivided attention and respect.

“I always thought I was a really good listener too and I think most of us do. We sit there, we nod, we wait for our turn to actually speak. Do we really hear the words, or do we just give responses that sound right?”

Words Matter Least

Warren said he was really challenged by this thought, especially working in the disaster recovery space.

“Those five key areas are really what it takes, listening with your ears is more than words. We all hear the words but it is often the least important part.”

He explained that listening to the person’s tone of voice, how they are talking, even a slight crack in the voice.

“They might say, ‘I’m fine,’ but you really know that they’re really screaming out the opposite.”

The Signs We Can See

He listed an example of a young vet that came up to him. The bushfire had taken a heavy toll on her and she exhibited most of those signs.

“I picked it up straight away just with my eyes. I was listening to her but my eyes were seeing that she was avoiding eye contact, her shoulders were dropped and her hands were fidgeting and she was hardly staying still.”

He said it is more important to hold space for the person than to interject or jump in to try and fix it or compare stories.

“You’ve got to suspend judgment because real listening asks you to put your own story.

“The most important part of listening with your whole body is the heart,” said Warren.

“That’s where the real connections are made. You’re really connecting with that person. It is important when it comes to heavy conversations and you really have to be listening to what that person’s saying, but more than just with your ears.”

He said it is more important to hold space for the person than to interject or jump in to try and fix it or compare stories.

“You’ve got to suspend judgment because real listening asks you to put your own story.

“The most important part of listening with your whole body is the heart,” said Warren.

“That’s where the real connections are made. You’re really connecting with that person. It is important when it comes to heavy conversations and you really have to be listening to what that person’s saying, but more than just with your ears.”

1. Give Undivided Attention

“One of the things that I’ve realised is you don’t have to have answers and advice to many of these tough questions. Most of the time we’ve just got to hold space and just you don’t have to say anything. That presence of being there and that person knowing that you’re giving them your undivided attention, you’ve got their back is more than enough.”

2. Be Present

“I’ve learned that people are not looking for answers or solutions and some of them are in pretty dark places.”

3. Hear Them

“They’re just needing someone to truly listen to them to be seen and heard. I’ve learned that listening is not a passive thing. It is an active, intentional, powerful thing that you can do for someone else that’s really important. It’s not about having the right words but making them feel genuinely heard and not judged.”

4. Don’t Rush Them

“Don’t dismiss their thoughts or opinions. Don’t rush them to finish a thought. Give them permission to keep going. Some people are feeling really defeated; there are a lot of heavy challenges in the world at the moment.”

He added, that in his line of work in bushfire relief, people are having a lot of difficult conversations, and it is something he comes into contact with a lot.

“You don’t have to have the words to interject or put into that conversation. You’ve just got to let them talk.”

The Unbreakable Farmer

“One of the things I’ve been intentionally doing, particularly in the bushfire, you know, working in the bushfire recovery is that I’ve been trying to articulate my thoughts and my feelings and what I’ve been seeing into words, either on my social media or my blog.”

“The most important questions you can ask someone in a day is, ‘How are you going?’ But most of us now just are too busy and don’t have the time to even stop and listen to the answer,” said Warren.

“Being able to have the presence to stop and listen could change that person’s day. So we need to listen with our whole body, not just our ears.”

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

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The dangerous rise of AI beauty rankings

Cyber Security expert, Rebekah Nijsen, discusses “Omoggle”, the app where AI judges users by their appearance.

What is Omoggle?

“It is a web-based live video chat that pairs 2 random users from across the world via webcam. So that’s the first aspect of it. ‘Omoggle‘ comes from a slang term for ‘look maxing’, which is the online culture that determines that a physical dominance over a person on their physical appearance.”

AI Determines the Score

Through this platform, users battle each other over how others rate their physical appearance. They use AI for facial analysis and determine a score.

“It looks at things like eye lift, jawline, skin tones, aspects like that. This only takes a few seconds and then a score is introduced. Now the winner is known as the ‘Mogger’ and the loser is known as ‘Mogged’ and that comes from the term mogging which comes through the lookmaxing culture.”

Viral Battles of Looksmaxxing

These battles are now going viral via live streaming platforms, like “Twitch” and “Kick”, so wider audiences now watch these battles.

“The people who jump on and have a look at these battles have the ability to encourage users or mock losers, which creates a pack mentality.”

This has the power to cause psychological triggers in young people, based on what AI is rating them. People as young as 12 are falling prey to shallow comparison and mockery.

“It’s web-based, which means you have internet connection and you have a webcam, then anyone can access it. It is an 18+ site, but all you have to do is click ‘yes, I’m over 18’ and you’re straight in. There’s no further age verification checks.”

“‘Twitch’ and ‘Kick’ are age restricted platforms under cyber-security legislation. However, ‘Omoggle’ is not.”

Parents – Start a Conversation

Rebekah said that parents need to have open conversations and chats with their children about physical appearances.

“Ask, ‘What do you think about physical appearance allowing you to have status in the online world. What do you like about yourself?”

Helping children to understand character being more valuable than status can help them with their self-esteem.

“We can do that in our conversations, but also by modelling that behaviour ourselves,” said Rebekah.

“Are they seeing that our most important thing is, putting our face on for the day and putting, makeup? Those things aren’t bad things. Absolutely not. I wear makeup.”

She argued to that end, if parents are so obsessed with health, eating and appearance, it can get noticed and imitated. Conversations and behaviour modelled at home enables them to have a healthier lens on how they view the world.

Know What Your Kids Are Viewing

Rebekah said the most important advice for parents to take heed of is to know what our kids are watching.

“We do that by physically seeing what they’re doing and making sure the devices are outside the bedrooms so we can actually see how they’re interacting online, but also by having those continual conversations with them and saying, ‘What did you see online today? Or, hey, I’ve seen this new craze come through. What are your opinions about it?’”

She argued that many kids would be outraged about it, because our kids are very switched on.

“We’re starting to see a switch with our kids starting to be a bit more empathetic and realizing, hey, we can be part of the solution here by calling out this behaviour.”

Encourage Their Opinion

Rebekah said this needs to be encouraged and fostered in the home so that kids feel like they have a voice.

“If we can actually say, ‘What you say is important and we’re going to give you a platform in the house to have an opinion,’ whether we agree with it or not. Hopefully that then teaches them that their voice matters. And then they can then start being the positive influence.”

Rebekah said there will always be a new app invented, hopefully with more conditions, but if parents look at the fundamentals of culture and what we are allowing our kids to view, we can then teach them to be critical in what they see as well.

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

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The healing power of music

Doctor of Psychology and Mindset Coach, Dr. Marny Lishman shares about music and its ability to heal a broken heart.

Self-Care Talk

Dr. Marny’s work involves her walking her clients through stress management or dealing with a challenging issue they are going through.

“Self-talk is an important part of that,” she said.

She also helps clients through stress management, by suggesting a combination of exercise, time in nature and listening to music.

“I think we all know what it feels like when we’re either angry or frustrated or had a really bad day and we get in the car and we turn on the radio, put the volume up and really have a good time, belting out great music.”

Relaxation

“A lot of research actually shows that music does have healing qualities about it. Whether people are going through something tough or even if it’s related to pain, a physical pain relief. They say listening to music actually soothes us and calms us.”

Not only does music release stress and stir up emotion when we are singing aloud, but it reaffirms how we feel, because many song lyrics are written from a place of vulnerability.

“Let’s face it, a lot of the most beautiful songs that have ever been written usually come from a place of loneliness and heartbreak. I think when we’re listening to the lyrics it validates how we’re feeling and it actually, it shows us that we’re not the only one that goes through something like that.”

Mirroring

Dr. Marny says there’s beauty in the idea that a songwriter we’ve never met is able to mirror an experience that we’re going through in the present.

“That kind of feeling of support and validation and empathy is actually really calming for us.”

Declaration of Lyrics

Singing or speaking lyrics aloud can have cathartic results.

“It’s almost like the hero’s journey of any story that we’ve read growing up is that people are going to rise past this and get through it, and there’s healing after hope. Pelting out those tunes is us saying, ‘I’ll get through this. I’m stronger than I think I am,’ which is something that we need, to get out of that pit of despair.”

Nostalgia & Heartbreak

Dr. Marny said she often feels nostalgic listening to artists from her youth, recalling many 1980’s artists who found success with breakup songs inspired by heartbreak within the band.

“There were a lot of love songs but there were some hate songs thrown in there as well on their journey with the band.”

The Music of Our Past

Nostalgia covers a myriad of senses.

“It could be a smell, or a kind of a sight, photographs, but a lot of it is about, you know, what you’re listening to.”

Dr. Marny said she encourages her older clients to get out the old albums, CDs and cassette tapes, and to listen to the music from their formative years.

“Music from young adulthood and teenage years will tend to evoke emotions that in the present moment that you felt back then,” she said.

“I say to people all the time, listen to the music you loved from the past and listen to it now, remember who you were then and bring back those parts of yourself that are going to be helpful for you.”

One Artist, One Concrete Message

It is possible to be driven by one artist’s narrative, according to Dr. Marny.

“We probably need to ask lots of Swifties out there, don’t we? She’s someone who documents all the heartbreaks that she’s gone through and writes lyrics from that experience. She just pens it, she writes these poems and they become beautiful songs.”

The frequency in which we listen to artists can give us a more concentrated experience. Dr. Marny argued that this adds to catharsis and helps us process.

“Sometimes there is a confirmation bias. You end up listening to the same stuff. Because there’s so many other artists out there or songs that you’re probably not listening to who might be really helpful for you. So I think some variety is so good,” she added.

“We never know what we’re going to get when we turn the radio on because might hear something that resonates and challenges the way we think.”

Listen More

She encouraged us to listen to more of the music that helps us work through our experience.

“Turn off your other devices and just spend more time in the present moment with yourself. Create that spare time to listen, because it’s so good for your brain, and for processing those emotions.”

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

Children learn through risky play, but how much danger is just enough but not too much?

Kelsie Prabawa-Sear,  Nature Play WA CEO, explores the benefits of learning through risk. She noted that anyone that reflects on their own childhood remembers that there are bumps and scratches.

Wobbly Moments

“Wobbly moments are just a really natural part of childhood and something that we adults shouldn’t try to erase from childhood.”

Parents want to protect their children from injury, but the consequence of that is that may not develop their own sense of decision making.

“We are not letting our kids enjoy the delights of risk in their childhood. If they don’t have confidence to make decisions and they’re not given opportunities to work things out and try things for themselves, they are missing out on key skills.”

Risk Assessment

Children need to be able to test what their body is capable of doing. It will affect how they handle decision-making into their teen years. If they haven’t had a healthy amount of risk taking, they could start making dangerous decisions.

“They start doing things that are really actually dangerous because they’re looking for risk, but don’t know how to assess it and what they’re capable of and what that might mean.”

Kelsie listed the example of riding a bike.

“You learn that you have to go a bit slower and you can accelerate out of corners. If you’ve never learnt that on your bike and then you get in a car, you don’t realise what a slippery road might be or what speed will do.”

Levels of Risk Appetite

Everyone has a different risk appetite, according to Kelsie.

“That can be based on your own experience, or your own coordination or self-confidence.”

Parents or grandparents can potentially project their own risk appetite onto the child based on their experiences or simply out of fear that the child might be injured.

“Sometimes we get risk adverse, when really the kids are a lot more capable than we realise.”

These instances can happen with older children who are insistent that they can do difficult tasks.

“They really can – so we often see in siblings, the younger sibling might have more advanced skills because of the exposure of their older sibling.”

It is fundamental to childhood and something that parents should learn to embrace.

“We are helping kids understand the difference between risk and challenge and danger, and they’re really different things.”

Risky Vs Unsafe Play

Unsafe play is something that is unsafe, dangerous or structurally wrong – most likely to cause imminent injury.

“If, for example, you go on a rusty slide with jagged bits. You’re going to be injured badly.”

Kids often have it innately in them, to know the difference between risky or unsafe play,” said Kelsie.

“They have different skills and willingness to take risks.”

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

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Choosing to forgive triggers the healing of our heart and emotions.

Relationship expert, Phil Ayres shares about the power of forgiveness in any relationship.

The Freedom of Forgiveness

“Forgiveness has a purpose,” began Phil, “It’s not just forgiving for the sake of forgiving, but forgiveness actually brings freedom when we practice that aspect of our relationship.”

Forgiveness stops hurt and resentment building up and weighing us down.

Phil said that the New Testament holds the central theme of the Christian faith, which separated it from so many other religions of the day- unconditional forgiveness.

“Jesus modeled that when he was on the cross. There’s this amazing verse on the cross where he says, ‘Father, forgive them because they don’t know what they’re doing’. It’s the most epic statement of the New Testament.”

In that moment, God forgave humanity.

“You would imagine that lightning would have flashed, because it was God releasing forgiveness to humanity, to all of us. And the guards did not take one scrap of notice of what he said.”

Unconditional Love

Jesus offered something that wasn’t voluntarily received by anyone who was present, but he willingly gave it as a free gift.

“He wasn’t waiting for anyone’s performance or response before he gave that. And that’s the secret of true forgiveness. True forgiveness is the willingness, I think, not just to forgive for the sake of it, but to trust God that he knows best and that he ultimately is the just judge.”

Phil said it is so important to apply this to the relationships we have, as it will strengthen us.

Love and Unforgiveness

Can we love someone and hold onto unforgiveness?

“Yes and no. You won’t grow in that love,” said Phil.

“In other words, forgiveness has a way of putting us in the ground and holds us it binds us to the hurt of that experience. And so even though you love someone, what that unforgiveness does, if you hold it, it will stunt your capacity to continue to move forward and to grow together.”

Phil points to the notion that people move on.

“They’re actually saying, they couldn’t keep growing with that person in the in the potential of the relationship because that that unforgiveness had stumped them. It had held them and bound them to that experience which stopped and stunted the growth potential of the relationship.”

The Impact of Unforgiveness

The presence of unforgiveness and resentment poisons the desire to communicate and communication is the foundation of true intimacy.

“Unforgiveness actually poisons intimacy,” said Phil.

“When unforgiveness comes in, the desire for intimacy is completely assassinated. It shuts down your emotional heart and it causes grief, it causes pain, it ends up creating separation and it literally poisons. It’s like a systemic poisoning of your entire soul that reduces your capacity to feel loved and to give love. It’s a crazy, insidious type of thing that affects us.”

Hurt People

“You can’t not feel hurt. Hurt feelings happen and there’s a whole range of things that happen with hurt feelings. But hurt feelings don’t have to become a destruction of the soul,” said Phil.

He argued that hurt feelings done have to become a deterioration of the heart.

“Hurt feelings have got to be addressed quickly. You’ve got to make a choice. And the reason God gave us the power to forgive is because what it does that minimizes the residue.”

When Phil is teaching couples about conflict, their intention is to get conflict out of the relationship.

“But the problem is because of their differences, conflicts will continue to happen. What they need to learn to do is manage that. And when hurt has happened, to forgive quickly.”

He pointed to the scripture in Colossians 3:13: ‘Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.’

“Don’t wait until you feel like you’ve forgiven, because that’s a deception… letting your emotions lead your will.”

Phil said that choosing to forgive triggers the healing of our heart and emotions.

“Whereas if you let your feelings lead you, will never change. It’ll just be a roller coaster on a continuum. We’ve got to learn to live out of the choices we and things we believe, not the feelings and things we experience. Otherwise, we’ll be always at the mercy of things that happen to us.”

Forgiveness

“When forgiveness is enacted, it keeps us free of the poison. It keeps us free to communicate and therefore continue to build intimacy with that special person. It’s crazy the way that resentment grows, not just in one relationship, but it filters into everything you do.”

A Question to Ask

Phil wraps with this encouragement and a key takeaway:

“Forgiveness helps my ongoing hunger to know my spouse at an ever-deeper level. It stops that stunting of growth. But the question I’d ask everyone today is this: Am I practicing real forgiveness with the one I love? What can I do today to let go of hurts that hold me back from our growth in the relationship we have?”

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

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When parents hear the word testing, it often brings anxiety. Will my child fall behind? Are they being judged? Does this affect their future?

According to Craig Hunter, Principal of Kalamunda Christian School, testing isn’t about pressure or performance – it’s about understanding how children learn and how schools and families can support them together.

Craig explains why early childhood assessments are designed to help children thrive, not label or limit them.

Testing Is About Understanding, Not Judging

Many people associate testing with high-pressure exams, but early years assessments work very differently. Instead of measuring success or failure, they act as a diagnostic tool.

“Testing is really diagnosis,” Craig explains. “It helps us understand where a child is at so we know how to support and help them learn.”

Just as a doctor asks questions to understand a patient’s health, teachers use assessments to identify learning stages, strengths, and areas where extra help may be needed. The goal is progress, not perfection.

What Happens in Early Years Testing?

Early testing focuses on foundational skills such as literacy and numeracy. Teachers may assess:

• Sound and letter recognition
• Early reading skills
• Basic spelling patterns
• Number knowledge and counting

These assessments are usually completed one-on-one with a teacher or education assistant and take only a few minutes per child. Because they follow consistent standards, educators can track growth over time and tailor learning support.

Importantly, educators emphasise “stage, not age.” Children develop at different speeds, especially in their early years, and testing helps teachers meet students where they are developmentally.

Does Testing Create Pressure?

Some parents worry testing might stress children or define their future. Craig says Australian schools generally focus on partnership rather than competition. Parents naturally fear their child might be behind, but testing helps schools provide support early rather than waiting until challenges grow bigger.

“It’s a partnership,” Craig says. “Everything we’re doing is to help your child.”

Identifying Learning Needs Early

Assessments can sometimes highlight indicators of learning differences, such as speech delays, learning difficulties, or neurodivergent traits. However, schools use testing as a screening tool, not a diagnosis.

When concerns arise, educators work alongside families to seek additional support and, where needed, access resources that help children succeed in the classroom. The purpose is never to “fix” children but to better support how they learn.

The Role of Labels – Helping, Not Limiting

One concern parents often raise is whether testing creates negative labels. Craig acknowledges this risk but says understanding how a child learns can actually be empowering.

When children understand their strengths and challenges – known as metacognition, or knowing how you learn – they can develop strategies that help them succeed. Labels should never become limitations. Instead, they provide insight that allows teachers and parents to build confidence and growth.

How Parents Can Support Learning at Home

Parents play a powerful role in reinforcing learning beyond the classroom. Craig highlights several simple strategies:

• Read together regularly. Reading builds language, imagination, and connection while strengthening literacy skills.
• Make maths playful. Try skip counting, counting backwards, or simple number games during everyday routines.
• Encourage curiosity. Asking questions and exploring ideas together helps children become lifelong learners.

Most importantly, focus on strengths. Encouragement and affirmation help children develop confidence and resilience.

Learning Is a Team Effort

Early years testing works best when schools and families partner together. Rather than viewing assessments as something to fear, parents can see them as tools that help unlock a child’s potential.

Every child develops differently. With understanding, support, and encouragement, testing becomes less about results and more about helping children flourish – academically, emotionally, and personally.

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

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Love expert Pastor Phil Ayres explains the impact our words, tone of voice and body language have on the way we speak and show love to others.

Everyone Needs Kindness

Pastor Phil says everybody needs a little kindness.

“I know some people say they’re not a words person, but everyone needs to hear kindness in the words that we speak.”

“In other words, the words that I use in my relationships, I will bear the cost or the benefit in those relationships, depending on how I speak and the way that I use my words,” said Phil.

The Rudder of a Ship

Our culture has become casual, according to Pastor Phil. He observed that people don’t like too much formality or rigid control.

“In reality, the tongue, the words of your mouth, are like the rudder of a ship and they will steer the direction of your life.”

We can underestimate the impact of a rudder compared to the size of a ship.

“If we underestimate the power of our words, we can underestimate the impact that they can have.”

Elements of Influence

Pastor Phil said there are three elements to consider in any type of communication. And each of those has different elements of influence.

1. Content

2. Tone of Voice

3. Body Language

“The content we speak, has about 7% of influence on a conversation. The tone of your voice has 38% of the influence on the conversation and then the body language is 55%.”

Content & Tone of Voice

The content is the smallest component of what influences the outcome, but still essential.

“Our words are important, but our tone is massive.”

When I use a tone that’s sharp, sarcastic, or I raise my volume, that’s interpreted as a threat. Whereas when I’m calm and when I’m respectful in that tone, it actually helps that other person that I’m engaging with feel safe and continue engagement.”

Phil spoke of his personal experience with tone of voice.

“I know that my wife and I, when we are engaging each other and it’s heated, the tone of voice is everything to actually whether that gets too heated or whether we calm down and we process.”

He said that it can become a trigger in how people react towards each other.

Body Language

Body language, such as rolling your eyes, turning your back or becoming indifferent in the way you project towards that person, can be really detrimental to any effective communication.

Emotional Flooding

When a person is overwhelmed in the moment, it is common to be flooded with anger or frustration.

“The biblical framework to be able to overcome the challenge of dealing with that is to slow down. That’s fundamentally, if you’re going to really get a control of any anger or emotional triggers, the key biblical framework is to slow down,” said Phil.

‘My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.’ James 1:19

“Let your ears do the work and let your mouth stay quiet,” said Phil. He said the definition of slow in this case means to pause and make wait.

“So, if we’re going to address the issues that we’re dealing with and manage the tone of our voice and then the responses we give, if we want our relationship to be safe and not to allow emotional flooding.”

Certain people may have experienced negative forms of communication in their childhood. Phil implores those in a relationship to be responsible for managing emotions and allowing slow responses as a form of self-control.

“You are still responsible for managing yourself and allowing that to calm down and then breathe and you can take breaths, you can pause, you can walk away for a moment, you can ask for time out, all sorts of things.

Bite Your Tongue

“You can bite your tongue, which is what my mum said to me, if you want to say something negative, bite your tongue.”

Phil has been known to actually hold his tongue and it can defuse the heat of the moment.

“Because it’s really hard to say something serious when you’ve got to hold your tongue. Then try to speak… it’s the weirdest, strangest thing, and everyone starts laughing.

Fix The Relationship Before You Solve the Problem

Phil explained the importance of asking forgiveness from the person you are speaking to, rather than fixating on solving the problem.

“Always come back and pause on the conversation what you’re trying to get through and ask forgiveness of the person you’ve hurt and allow them the emotional time.”

Once peace has been restored, couples can resume the conversation and start working towards a solution.

“The moment it turns from the issue to the person and you’re targeting their character or some sort of question of who they are, you’ve actually moved completely away from the conversation. So you’ve already lost your way.”

He encouraged people to heal that situation and try not to further the conversation.

“The worst thing is when you’re angry and you’ve hurt each other and you’ve lost your way and then you’re still trying to sort out the problem. Pause. Everyone pause and give yourself a break.”

Reflection

For anyone struggling in this area, Pastor Phil encouraged asking the questions:

• Is this building my relationship or tearing it down?
• Is it helping me build the relationship or working in the opposite direction?

“We need to consider that, and if we want great relationships… Let our words bring life.”

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

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Common wisdom has always been that fresh air and sunshine are good for us. But what impact does spending time outside really have?

Nature Play WA CEO, Kelsie Prabawa-Sear notes that we all feel better when we are outside, whether you’re a child or an adult.

“When we go outside, we get sunshine, we get fresh air. We have nice smells and we know that we feel better, but we don’t necessarily know why.”

There is fascinating science behind why outdoor time is refreshing.

“We see a drop in our stress hormone in cortisol. Then we also see an increase in our endorphins, which are associated with happiness and pleasure. There is also oxytocin that also helps alleviate stress and anxiety. So nature just helps our body adjust to feel better just by going outside,” said Kelsie.

Getting Kids Outside

Kelsie said the best thing to do is get ourselves outside, and the kids will follow.

“If there’s nothing inside that they’re glued to, like a screen, if we go outside, they will come. Then generally we get the benefits as well.”

She said that once kids are engaged in outdoor play, they can sustain themselves for a decent amount of time.

“Once you start to recognise how much better you feel, you are more motivated to do it. Everyone feels better and generally you can squeeze it in some part of the day.”

The 2026 Indoor Crisis

It has always been important for people to go outside, but there wasn’t as much focus on it in the past. Many people accepted it as part of their day.

“For a lot of us when we were growing up, kids were outside, so no one needed to talk about it or tell us to go outside.”

The University of Kent came out with research that shows when kids have time outside, they get positive associations of smells and the feel of nature. When these children become adults who are struggling with mental health, the return to nature brings back those positive associations.

“They get better results than people that never had that time in nature,” said Kelsie.

“Not only is it good for the kids when they’re little, it’s also helping to safeguard them when they’re older so that they can sort of draw on those positive associations and help them feel better.”

Kelsie said this is due to the overwhelm of events happening in the present day that can sometimes keep us from healthy habits that are better for our overall health.

Outdoor Time

“Research shows that ten minutes of walking outside will positively impact your wellbeing and how you feel,” said Kelsie.

“Then for kids, if it’s not just walking, but running and jumping and cartwheeling and swinging, that just makes everyone feel even better again.”

She said there are added benefits of resilience that they can learn.

“There’s lots of ways that it kind of builds up on the time to just make us a little bit more emotionally regulated in the moment and then longer term helps us with our resilience.”

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

Feature image: Canva

Sometimes, everything goes smoothly in life. But can there be beauty in the waiting, when God asks us to stop, wait and pause?

The Green Light Experience

Green light experiences are those moments when things are moving ahead, doors are opening, plans are coming together, the kids are happy and healthy.

“But what do you do when life hits a red light?” asked Pastor Brad, also known as The Shearing Pastor.

“Those times in life when a job opportunity stalls. If something goes wrong, a relationship you thought was going to work out just stops. Something you’d hoped for. And it feels like you’re sitting at a red light. I’ve noticed that we rarely ever question green lights, but we always sit at the red light, asking, ‘Why?’

Why We Wait

As a shearer and a pastor, Brad considered to his sheep.

“There’s a thing in the shearing and sheep industry called low stress stock handling. It is about getting sheep from one destination to another.”

In the old days, shepherds would scream at the sheep and use scare tactics, chasing them to the point where the sheep were terrified.

“With low stress stock handling, the farmer simply positions himself and moves the sheep from one destination to another by his presence, rather than fear.”

Low Stress Stock Handling

According to Brad, this process takes longer because the sheep have to stop and wait- just like people at a red light- but the results are better.

“When the sheep get to their destination they are calmer, more relaxed, and it’s easier for both them and the shearers.”

They Who Wait

Overall, Brad’s encouragement is to stop asking, “Why?” the next time you find yourself at the red light. Consider the fact that perhaps it isn’t rejection. It could be protection.

“Who knows what is around the corner?” asked Pastor Brad. He referred to the scripture in Isaiah 40:31: “But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

“Maybe the red light isn’t for just stopping, maybe it is for strengthening you as you wait. Over the years, I’ve learned that the waiting times are never wasted when we trust in God.”

“Always resist thinking that it’s rejection. It may just be protection.”

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

Feature image: Canva