Motherhood changes far more than the daily routine. The good news is, you’re not losing yourself, you’re becoming someone new.

I recently came across the concept of matrescence, and it is a framework I wish more women and mothers knew about.

Matrescence refers to the profound transformation a woman undergoes as she enters and moves through motherhood. Just as adolescence describes the developmental transition from childhood to adulthood, matrescence describes the transition into motherhood. (The equivalent term sometimes used for fathers is patrescence.)

There is a saying that when a baby is born, so too is a mother. Scientific research suggests there is truth to this idea. Pregnancy, birth and early parenthood involve significant biological, psychological, social and relational changes. Motherhood is not simply something a woman does—it is also a process of becoming a mother.

Perinatal psychiatrists Edna Lekgabe and Alexandra Sacks have helped bring attention to this concept, describing motherhood as a developmental stage that deserves the same understanding and support we offer other major life transitions.

Three Things Worth Knowing About Matrescence

1. Matrescence is a developmental earthquake

Matrescence is a period of intense and often simultaneous change. Hormones shift, sleep patterns change, relationships evolve, priorities are re-evaluated, and a woman’s sense of identity may be challenged and reshaped.

For many women, motherhood represents one of the most significant transitions of adult life.

The comparison to adolescence can be helpful. During adolescence, we expect young people to experience emotional, physical and social upheaval as they grow into a new version of themselves. We recognise that this process can be messy and difficult. Matrescence invites us to extend that same understanding and compassion to mothers.

Rather than expecting women to “bounce back” to their old selves after having a baby, matrescence acknowledges that they are undergoing a profound developmental transition.

2. Motherhood often involves a push-pull between your old self and your new self

One of the most challenging aspects of matrescence is the tension between competing needs and identities.

As a mother adapts to caring for a baby, her attention is naturally drawn toward meeting the baby’s needs. At the same time, parts of her pre-parenthood identity remain present—the desire for rest, autonomy, hobbies, exercise, friendships, career fulfilment, and personal freedom.

Many mothers experience guilt or confusion when they simultaneously love their baby deeply and miss aspects of their previous life. Yet these seemingly conflicting feelings are not signs of failure. They are a normal part of adapting to a new role.

Matrescence helps explain why motherhood can feel both deeply meaningful and deeply challenging at the same time.

3. “Baby brain” may reflect adaptation rather than decline

Many mothers describe increased forgetfulness, mental fogginess or difficulty concentrating during pregnancy and early parenthood.

Research has found measurable changes in the maternal brain that appear to reflect the brain rewiring and pruning itself to focus on caregiving, developing attachment and being responsive to a baby’s needs. These studies suggest that these changes may help mothers become more attuned to social and emotional cues, particularly those related to their child.

While many women jokingly refer to the forgetfulness and word-finding difficulties as “baby brain,” this label can overlook the amazing work the brain is doing during this period. Although the cognitive changes can feel frustrating, research is suggesting that they are part of a complex process of neurological adaptation and not a loss of ability.

Looking After Yourself During Matrescence

While matrescence is a normal developmental process, it can also be emotionally demanding. Giving yourself language to describe what is happening can help you approach this season with greater self-compassion.

1. Give yourself permission to adjust

Many women derive a sense of identity, competence and achievement from work, study or other pursuits. Maternity leave can represent a significant shift away from these sources of validation and towards the largely relational work of caring for a baby.

It is normal to miss aspects of your previous life. It is normal to grieve certain freedoms while also feeling grateful for your child.

You may never return to exactly who you were before becoming a parent, and that is not necessarily a loss. Over time, many women develop a new sense of self that combines both who they were and who they are becoming.

2. Make room for mixed emotions

Parenthood often contains seemingly contradictory experiences: joy and exhaustion, gratitude and frustration, connection and loneliness.

Rather than judging these emotions, it can be helpful to make space for contradictory feelings. Ambivalence is not evidence that something is wrong. It is completely normal in the adjustment to the complexity of parenthood.

3. Rebuild important needs intentionally

The demands of caring for young children can leave some emotional needs feeling neglected. Consider which needs have become harder to meet in this season and look for small, realistic ways to nurture them.

For example:

• Need for mastery: Start a small project that provides a sense of accomplishment.
• Need for intellectual stimulation: Listen to podcasts, read books, or complete a short course on a topic that interests you.
• Need for relational connection: Seek opportunities for meaningful conversations with other adults that extend beyond discussions about children.
• Need for autonomy: Identify small moments during the week where you can make choices based on your own preferences and interests.
• Need for rest and restoration: Accept support where possible and prioritise recovery without guilt.

A Final Thought

Matrescence reminds us that motherhood is not simply about raising a child, it is also about the emergence of a new version of yourself.

If you, or someone you know, are finding this transition difficult, it does not mean you are doing motherhood poorly. It may simply mean you are in the midst of one of life’s most significant developmental changes.

It’s also important to remember that while matrescence is a normal process, persistent symptoms of anxiety, depression, trauma or emotional distress are not something you need to manage alone. Seeking support from a health professional can make a meaningful difference during this season of adjustment.

Article supplied with thanks to The Centre for Effective Living.

About the Author: Lauren Chee is a psychologist who understands the importance of forming a caring therapeutic relationship with her clients, and uses evidence-based skills that can lead to positive and lasting change. She has a special interest in anxiety-related disorders, OCD, social skills, parenting and attachment, child mental health and learning difficulties.

Feature image: Canva

There’s nothing quite like the moment you find out you’re expecting your first child. It’s thrilling. Surreal. Overwhelming. From picking out onesies to researching prams, the list of “things to do” seems endless.

But preparing for a baby isn’t just about ticking off a checklist, it’s about preparing emotionally, relationally, and practically for one of life’s biggest transitions.

As a psychologist and parent, I’ve walked with countless new mums and dads through this season. The truth? While the baby gear is important, the foundations you build in your emotional world and relationship will shape your parenting journey just as much, if not more.

So, how do you prepare in a way that supports your wellbeing, your baby, and your relationship? Let’s look at three key areas:

1. The Practical: Getting Organised Without Getting Overwhelmed

You don’t need everything, but you do need enough. Start with the essentials and remember: babies need love, a safe place to sleep, to be fed, and to be held. The rest is bonus.

A few practical steps:

• Create a simple checklist: Cot, car seat, nappies, baby clothes, swaddles, and feeding items (bottles or breastfeeding support).
• Prepare your home: Set up safe sleep spaces, a change area, and somewhere comfy for night feeds.
• Plan for postpartum: Stock your freezer, organise support from family or friends, and know where to reach out for help if needed.
• Know your appointments: Book in hospital tours, antenatal classes, and your baby’s GP or child health nurse.
• Tip: You don’t have to prepare everything alone. Involve your partner, ask questions, and don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know yet.”

2. The Emotional: Making Room for All the Feelings

Even the most joyful pregnancy can stir up fear, grief, and identity shifts. That’s normal.

Many first-time parents describe a sense of “losing themselves” in the process—especially mums who may be navigating changes in body, career, and expectations.

What helps:

• Name your emotions: Anxiety, excitement, uncertainty—there’s room for them all.
• Let go of perfection: You won’t get everything right. But showing up consistently with love and curiosity is more than enough.
• Talk it out: Whether it’s with a trusted friend, counsellor, or birth class group, voicing what you feel is deeply regulating.
• Plan for postpartum mental health: Be aware of signs of perinatal anxiety or depression. One in five mums and one in ten dads will experience it.
• Remember: Caring for your mental health is one of the most important ways to care for your baby.

3. The Relational: Strengthening the Team Before Baby Arrives

A baby doesn’t just change your sleep schedule, it reshapes your relationship. Research consistently shows that relationship satisfaction tends to dip after the birth of a child, especially if couples don’t prepare or communicate.

Relational check-ins before baby:

• Talk about expectations: Who will do night feeds? How will you make decisions? What support do you need from each other?
• Strengthen your friendship: Go on a few dates, have fun, laugh. Build the bank of goodwill.
• Learn to repair quickly: Tiredness and stress can fray nerves. Practice saying sorry, giving the benefit of the doubt, and asking for what you need.
• Make a plan for connection: Even 10 minutes of eye contact and checking in daily can protect your bond.

The most loving thing you can give your child is a secure, connected parenting team.

You won’t ever feel completely ready, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s preparation.

You’re stepping into something sacred. Not just parenthood, but a new identity, a deeper relationship, and a journey of becoming.

So take a breath. Ask for help. Have the conversations. Cry when you need to. Celebrate the small wins. And remember that your presence, your regulated, loving, human self, is the most powerful gift you can give your child. You’ve got this. And when you don’t, you’ve got support.

Article supplied with thanks to Sabrina Peters.

About the Author: Sabrina is a pastor and a psychologist who is dedicated to helping people experience wholeness and growth. Passionate about building healthy families, she spends her days raising kids, supporting clients, and creating resources that inspire freedom and hope.

Feature image: Canva

When Beth Caulfield discovered she was pregnant in her mid-40s, it was the last thing she expected.

Married, studying at seminary, and with almost-grown children, the pregnancy exposed cultural attitudes toward mid-life conception and, years later, inspired her debut feature film Conceivable.

The film mirrors Beth’s journey, following 45-year-old Brielle as she navigates an unexpected pregnancy and all of the emotional, ethical, and relational complexities that come with it.

“There are many women in their 40s having these pregnancies, and we get a whole lot of different advice and scare,” Beth said.

“I recognised that I wasn’t alone, and I knew it was a story that needed to be told to drum up compassion and awareness.”

In Beth’s experience, the advice women get is often mixed and confronting. 

“Friends – well-meaning friends – told me this could ruin my life,” Beth said.

“That we’d never retire and there could be problems with the baby that would cause financial concerns.

“It certainly alienated me from people who were moving on to what we’d call an ‘empty nest’ situation.”

Thankfully, alongside those fears were voices of encouragement. 

“I had wonderful people who surrounded me, saying, ‘This is the next chapter in your life. It’s exciting. It’s ordained by God,” Beth said.

“You’re not walking through it alone.’”

“People don’t recognise how common these unplanned pregnancies are,” Beth said. 

“I was just talking to a pregnancy centre in a university town, and they told me most of the women coming in with unplanned pregnancies are over 35. It surprised even them.”

The conversation surrounding older motherhood, she explained, often overlooks the complexity of women’s real lives. 

“What gets headlines are fertility issues or people waiting to have kids later,” Beth said.

“But we don’t talk about surprise pregnancies – and how society reacts to them. It’s either treated like a miracle or a mistake, depending on who you ask.”

Beth describes Conceivable as “faith-informed, not faith-based.” 

“Often, faith-based films show one theological view only,” Beth said. 

“I wanted to represent the variety of experiences and beliefs people hold, even within the church. 

“Everyone’s not perfect, and we all walk through challenges.”

Now nearing 60, Beth sees this season as a reminder that new beginnings don’t have an expiry date. 

“Every step has been risky,” Beth said. 

“But that’s where growth happens. 

“Whether it’s starting a prison ministry or making a film, I’ve learned that if it’s scary, you’re probably exactly where you’re supposed to be.”

For more information about Conceivable, visit their website.

Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.

Feature image: Supplied