While church and youth group helps, the biggest influence on a child’s faith comes from home.

Parents play a vital role in shaping their children’s values and beliefs. While churches and youth groups help, the biggest influence on a child’s faith comes from home. As Pastor Joel Chelliah put it, “The number one influence of a child under 12 is actually the parents.” So, how can parents lead their family in faith?

The First Church: Your Home

Many parents assume taking their kids to church is enough. But a child’s primary experience of faith starts at home. “The first church that we are to lead is our own families,” Pastor Joel explained.

Children mimic what they see. If parents live out their faith daily, kids notice. “You see that pretty quick in your kids when you’re maybe passing on things you don’t want them to pick up,” he joked. Kids are like little mirrors, reflecting what they see in their parents.

Practical Ways to Lead in Faith

Being the spiritual leader in your home doesn’t have to be complicated. Here are two simple ways to incorporate faith into daily life.

1. Make Prayer a Daily Habit

Prayer doesn’t have to be long or formal. It can be as simple as a 30-second prayer in the car before school. Pastor Joel shared, “It’s amazing because I find out what’s going on in the hearts of my kids.” When kids pray, they reveal their worries and hopes, giving parents a chance to support them.

Other moments to pray together include:

• At the dinner table
• Before bedtime
• When facing challenges

This consistency teaches kids that prayer isn’t just for emergencies—it’s a daily part of life. “It’s not a last resort; it’s a first step,” he added.

2. Read the Bible Together

Reading the Bible as a family helps children grow spiritually. Pastor Joel shared their rule during school holidays: “No Bible, no play.” Their children would spend at least ten minutes reading Scripture before playing.

For kids who struggle with reading, audio Bibles are a great alternative. “I can hear them listening to the app,” they said. Even small moments—five minutes here, seven minutes there—help build a strong foundation of faith.

Small Steps Make a Big Impact

Raising children in faith doesn’t require hours of daily devotion. Simple habits, like short prayers and Bible reading, make a lasting difference, and help parents lead their family in faith. Over time, kids learn that faith is a natural part of life, not just something for Sundays. “You just watch your kids grow up in a way that carries the faith we’re supposed to carry,” Pastor Joel noted.

By leading in faith at home, parents equip their children with the spiritual tools they need for life.

Feature image: Canva

Kingdomcity megachurch in Perth is claiming the largest mass baptism in Australian history after around 1,000 new Christians were baptised on the South Perth foreshore on Good Friday afternoon.

A crowd of thousands of family members and other supporters celebrated at Sir James Mitchell Park on the banks of the Swan River against the backdrop of the Perth CBD.

Senior pastor Mark Varughese who founded the global KIngdomcity church 20-years ago, declared: “Baptism, in the evangelical Christian tradition, is a public declaration of an inward decision.”

“It symbolises leaving behind the past and stepping into a new life — something that resonates with the universal human desire for renewal, hope, and purpose.” 

Mass Baptism, Perth – Kingdomcity Church

“We Made History On The Banks of The Swan River”

“The reason we do it at Easter is it almost visually re-enacts what Easter’s all about: the death, the burial, and then the resurrection of Jesus,” Pastor Varushese explained to 9 News.

KIngdomcity has seven campuses around Perth and hundreds more in at least 40 countries on all continents. 

The Perth campuses mentored and prepared those being baptised on the spiritual signficance of the act.

On social media the church declared: “Australia’s Largest Mass Baptism – What a Day! We just wrapped up history at Perth’s Swan River foreshore!”

Perth Mass Baptism – Kingdomcity Church

Kingdomcity’s Celebration Message

“With thousands gathering to support friends and family who were baptised.”

“People publicly declared their faith in an unforgettable mass baptism this Good Friday in the Swan River.”

“Thank you to every single person who came, watched, and celebrated with us,”

“What an incredible gathering of transformation, community, and new beginnings!”

Unusually, this Christian event was covered by mainstream media such as Channel 9 in Perth,

Testimonies of Those Baptised

“I just feel like it’s a new beginning, like something is about to shift in my life, about to change, and I’m so grateful for this amazing community that I get to do it with,” Natasha Pickering told 9 News.

“It felt so surreal to be baptised. We’re so excited for what’s ahead,” said Micaela and Blake after being baptised.

“Life throws so much at you and you need God to do it. To walk through it.”

“It’s easier to do life with 3 people especially when one of those is Jesus.”

“It’s made our relationship stronger and we chose to be baptised to be closer to Jesus.” 

Mass Baptism, Perth – Kingdomcity Church

Another Mass Baptism at Frankston Beach, Melbourne

Another mass baptism took place at Melbourne’s Frankston Beach next to the pier on Port Phillip Bay.

Organisers The Global Harvest and the One Heart Frankston coalition of local churches from multiple denominations claimed 750 people were baptised in the annual event, which is at least 50% more than on Good Friday last year. 

That number was just over half the 1,400 who had registered through an online form to be baptised.

Amid the concerns of some Christians over the registration process, organisers stressed: “Everyone present heard a clear presentation of the Gospel and was given an opportunity to respond in repentance.”

Organisers Explain The Frankston Mass Baptism

“Trained teams were on hand to speak with individuals personally, walking them through the message of Jesus and answering questions to ensure understanding,” organisers explained.

“Each person who chose to be baptised was also asked to complete a waiver, confirming that they understood the basics of the Gospel, had repented from sin, and were choosing to follow Jesus as we see in Acts.”

“This ensured that baptism was a genuine and informed response, not simply a spontaneous moment without understanding.”

Were People Baptised Too Quickly and Easily?

Some have asked whether people were baptised too quickly and easily.

Organisers responded: “It is a fair question — often coming from a place of care and a desire to see genuine, lasting faith.”

“But those involved point to a simple conviction:”

“When someone hears the Gospel, repents, and believes — why delay what Scripture treats as immediate?

Frankston Mass Baptism – The Global Harvest

Testimonies From Frankston Mass Baptism

The stories emerging from the day reflected the diversity of those who responded.

One man described as a former atheist shared that he had recently become interested in Jesus and the Bible, and — after conversations and a timely reconnection — chose to be baptised and begin his journey of faith.

Another person shared a story of struggling with rejection and feeling unloved, having searched for acceptance before encountering the love of Jesus.

individuals testified how faith had been rekindled across entire households and many families were baptised together.

Personal Encounters

Others told of their personal encounters during their baptism — describing a sense of peace, freedom, and new beginning.

One individual described feeling something like a “bolt” go through his body at the moment of baptism.

The day also included reports of healing, with people sharing improvements in conditions such as headaches, hearing, and breathing following prayer and baptism.

Among those baptised were a former mayor of Frankston and the current deputy mayor, publicly declaring their faith in baptism alongside hundreds of others.

Organisers Celebrate This Powerful Response

One Heart Frankston and The Global Harvest rejoiced that what took place on Good Friday was more than a large gathering.

It was a community moment, they said, marked by unity, faith, and a simple, powerful response to the Gospel.

“People heard. People repented. People were baptised.”

“And for many, it was just the beginning.”

Article supplied with thanks to Vision Christian Media.

Feature image: Supplied

I live in a house with too much stuff. That means when friends come over, my wife and I move the stuff from our living room into our bedroom. But when the friends leave, we have to move the stuff off our bed back into the living room.

We never get rid of the stuff. We keep shuffling it around. Nothing changes.

Is that how life feels? Like we don’t get anywhere?

Every year at New Year’s Eve, there’s the promise of a fresh start. But by Easter time, the world is back to where it was. Worse, I’m back to where I was. I’m the same person. My life hasn’t gone anywhere.

Why can’t I be better? Sometimes I blame the universe. The universe itself isn’t getting any better. The universe is like my 20 year old car, which leaks oil onto my driveway. It creaks and groans when I drive it. That’s because its parts are grinding away and falling apart.

If this universe isn’t getting any better, then what chance do I have of getting better? But what if there’s another way?

If you ever have any computer problems, then what you need is a 14 year old in the family. Whenever my wife has problems with her computer she calls our son, who simply turns off her computer, counts to 10, and then turns it on. Taaa-Daaaah! In other words, our son reboots the computer, and it works again.

That’s exactly what Easter offers us. A reboot. Because something in us — and in our world — is deeply broken, and we can’t fix it on our own.

The Easter Reboot

Maybe we know some of the facts of the Easter story? Jesus Christ, God himself, becomes one of us. He dies on a cross on Easter Friday. But he also rises back to life again on Easter Sunday.

What we might not know is that, when Jesus rose from the dead, it also rebooted the universe.

You see, when Jesus died on Easter Friday, it shut down the universe. Jesus, the Giver of Life, gives up his own life for us. God, the Maker of the Universe is dead. The lights are turned off. But when Jesus rises from the dead, back to life, on Easter Sunday, it reboots the universe. The lights are turned on again but … brighter than they were before.

It’s a reboot!

Recently, as a doctor, I did a refresher course on Cardiac Pulmonary Resuscitation (CPR). So much has changed in CPR since I was a junior doctor many years ago. The biggest change is the invention of the Automated External Defibrillator (AED) pads. Now, almost anyone can place AED pads on the heart attack victim, and the pads shock their heart back to life.

We Can Reboot the Heart!

But Jesus does something even better than this. When Jesus rises from the dead, he kickstarts a new life for us and the world. Yes, Jesus rises from the dead with a new and better body. But he also begins the project of restoring this universe into a better universe – his Kingdom, which will be filled with his love, mercy, peace, and justice. And there’s the promise of a new life for us – which Jesus calls Eternal Life – which begins now and continues into the life-to-come.

Christians believe we need this supercharged reboot because our chief problem isn’t only that we’re ageing and crumbling. It’s that we’ve cut ourselves off from God, the source of life and all goodness. Being cut off from God shapes us on the inside and means that our hearts don’t naturally move toward what is true, good, and beautiful on their own.

But when Jesus rises from the dead, it kickstarts the universe back into the direction of what’s true, good, and beautiful. And if we put our trust in him, Jesus also kickstarts our “hearts” back into the right direction.

So how can we receive this supercharged rebooted life? The Bible tells us to respond to Jesus’ call.

Take the Call

Whenever I receive a phone call from a number that I don’t recognise, I ignore it. But recently I took a call from a number I didn’t recognise. I’m glad I did. It was a person reaching out to me who I hadn’t been in touch with for a while. By taking his call, I got connected with him, and received an unexpected boost.

In a similar way, Easter is God’s way of reaching out to us, offering us a reboot. God is initiating a connection with us. We can respond by accepting God’s Easter call, maybe in a prayer, and connecting with him. We can ask Jesus to kickstart our heart in the right direction.

For a long time, I’ve found New Year’s Eves to be depressing. My family and I watch the fireworks on our screens. But it’s never impressive. I’ve also been too lazy to go to the city, to fight the crowds, to see the fireworks in person. I’m locked in a cycle of being a victim of my own apathy.

Last New Year’s Eve, friends offered us free tickets to see the world famous fireworks at The Sydney Opera House and Harbour Bridge. At first I said no because I didn’t want to be in the crowds and heat.

But my family snapped me out of my cycle of half-heartedness and said “What are you thinking? Someone is offering us free tickets to see the fireworks. We have to go!” So we went. And I’m so glad we did. Imagine missing out on the fireworks when all I had to do was accept the tickets?

Every year we can stay locked in our cycle of apathy and sometimes even despair. How can we ever break out of this and become a better person?

Easter offers us the chance of a supercharged reboot. We can be filled with Jesus’ Spirit of resurrection – his life and power. We can have a new life – Eternal Life – which empowers us to a new and better life, both now and in the life-to-come. All we have to do is take the call.

About the Author: Sam is a theologian, preacher, author, evangelist, ethicist, cultural analyst and medical doctor.

Article supplied with thanks to Espresso Theology.

Feature image: Canva

I often wonder when people truly know they are Christians. Many recall a moment of conversion. But for me, it wasn’t obvious.

Crossing into faith feels like crossing a border. Sometimes you see it clearly. Other times, you don’t notice it at all.

For me, I first knew I was a Christian when it actually cost me something.

When I was 17, I was obsessed with basketball. I competed across the state and came second. Afterward, I got an opportunity to train with the Wildcats’ coach.

I remember the call: “Great to have you here. Show up Sunday at 10:00.” Something inside me froze. It felt like a choice between basketball and Jesus.

I chose Jesus. It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t glamorous. But that decision marked another step toward following Him.

If you’re unsure whether you are a Christian, try this test: When has faith cost you something? Does it still?

Faith always costs something. Yet despite the cost, it’s worth it. For me, those moments of choice showed me what it really means to follow Jesus.

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

Feature image: Canva

For many Christians, planning for retirement feels selfish or worldly. But neglecting it can actually burden families and limit Kingdom impact. 

55% of Americans have no retirement savings (Bankrate, 2024). 

Without planning, Christians risk entering old age in financial fear instead of Kingdom freedom. 

“A good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children.” — Proverbs 13:22 

This article will show you how to prepare for retirement and legacy with stewardship, not selfishness. 

Why Retirement Planning is Biblical 

• Planning ensures you’re not a financial burden to loved ones. 
• It allows you to fund Kingdom causes beyond your working years. 
• It sets an example of wisdom for future generations. 

The Common Tension 

• Bills > Tithing → “I’ll give when I can.” 
• Debt vs. Giving → “Should I pay debt first or tithe?” 
• Fear vs. Faith → “What if I don’t have enough after giving?”
   

Practical Steps to Balance Giving and Stewardship 

• Save With a Stewardship Mindset
• Use retirement accounts (401k, IRA). 
• Prioritize long-term growth over quick gains.  
• Balance Saving + Giving
• Don’t neglect generosity while saving.  
• Adopt a “Live, Give, Save” rhythm.  
• Protect Your Family Through Estate Planning
• Draft wills and trusts. 
• Consider life insurance as provision for loved ones.  
• Invest in Eternal Legacy
• Fund scholarships, mission funds, or ministries. 
• Write down family values + faith testimony alongside financial inheritance. 

Legacy Beyond Money 

True inheritance isn’t just assets, it’s passing on faith. 

Deuteronomy 6:6-7: “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children.” 

Teach your children not just how to manage money, but how to live generously and faithfully. 

Retirement and legacy planning is not about hoarding, it’s about preparing wisely so your faith and finances extend beyond your lifetime. 

FAQs 

Q1: Is it unbiblical to save for retirement? 

No. Saving is an act of stewardship that prevents becoming a burden on family and allows continued generosity. 

Q2: How much should Christians save for retirement? 

It varies. A general rule is 15% of income, but Christians should prayerfully balance saving with generosity. 

Q3: What’s the difference between leaving a financial inheritance and a spiritual legacy? 

A financial inheritance provides resources; a spiritual legacy ensures faith and values are passed on. Both are biblical (Proverbs 13:22, Deuteronomy 6:7). 

Q4: Should Christians write a will? 

Yes. Wills and estate plans prevent confusion, ensure assets bless loved ones, and can include charitable giving. 

Free Resource for You

Step into retirement with purpose, wisdom, and a Christ-centered plan. Download Retirement Revolution

Article supplied with thanks to Wealth with Purpose.

About the Author: Alex is a licensed financial planner and the founder of Wealth with Purpose a Stewardship Ministry that helps Christians handle their money God’s way.

Feature image: Canva

Levi Lusko has been a pastor since he was 20, but when his life spiraled at 38 it reset his approach to ministry and informed his latest book Blessed Are the Spiraling.

Always considered “young” in ministry, Levi planted his first church at 23, wrote his first book at 30 and developed an impressive international roster of speaking engagements.

During the pandemic, Levi was forced to confront how attached his identity had become to “being the young one” and what it meant to hit midlife.

“I was wrestling with some hard but important questions,” Levi said.

“There’d been 20 years of a really intense travel schedule [and] I was feeling the miles – there was some spiritual jet lag.

“I was also connecting the dots on some unprocessed trauma I’d faced when I was young that I’d never really been honest about the impact it had on me.”

Levi went from being really energetic and inspired to having panic attacks in the night, wondering if he could lead the church anymore and was “bewildered by a sense of apathy”.

“It was really disorienting,” Levi said.

“There was this increasing sense that I didn’t have what it takes to take us to the next level.

“It left me feeling very confused.”

The stereotype of a midlife crisis is that you buy the car, quit the job, change the girl, but Levi saw an opportunity to “spiral upward” and address his feelings.

“When you’re hurting you just want to numb the pain out rather than deal with it” Levi said.

“The other option is, I’m going to lean into the hard questions [and] go to God on my knees and say, ‘Lord, this hurts, what are you saying to me?’.”

Now 43, Levi’s embraced the transition from “young warrior” to “wise sage” and thinks mid-life can be embraced not dreaded.

“You have to be honest and acknowledge this season that’s leaving me, I loved,” Levi said.

“But [this new one] has some benefits, I have some perspective.

“We don’t have to be terrified of what we’re prepared for.”

The reason Levi wrote Blessed Are the Spiraling was so people could be prepared and see the benefits of our breakdowns.

“This is fertile soil, don’t waste this pain,” Levi said.

“My trap [was] to believe if I didn’t accomplish anything I don’t matter, and that’s not true.

“God loves me for being me.”

Levi reminds those spiraling now it’s important not to give up – “or get a tattoo” – and know there is another side to this season.

“I’m sorry, but you’re lucky,” Levi said.

“You’re lucky because God’s near to the broken-hearted [and] is preparing you for things He has for you.

“Don’t give up.”

Levi Lusko’s book Blessed Are the Spiraling is out now.

Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.

Feature image: Publicity Image – Used with Permission

About the Author: Laura Bennett is a media professional, broadcaster and writer from Sydney, Australia.

Nearly 50 years after lending a Balinese family a small loan, Opportunity International cofounder David reunited with the family.

Opportunity International Australia (OIA) celebrates 50 years of supporting local developing communities work their way out of poverty for good. 

Australian entrepreneur David Bussau is looking back over five decades of OIA’s growth by returning to the very place the organisation planted a “small loan” seed that sparked a worldwide microfinance movement.

In the 70s, David gave Balinese farmer Ketut Suwiria a $50 loan that was “a radical idea for the time”. It not only changed one family’s life but also changed the course of their charitable mission.

Instead of providing temporary aid relief for individuals, David and his OIA cofounder, American businessman Al Whittaker, worked on a way to break the cycle of poverty for entire communities in need. 

Opportunity International Australia is a pioneering microfinance network that now reaches millions of families in more than 30 countries. It aims to “restore dignity through opportunity” by providing the “tools [families and communities] need to work their way out of poverty so they can live safe, healthy lives, send their children to school and create a new future for generations to come”.

David came from humble beginnings himself — he was raised in a New Zealand orphanage and later in an Anglican boys’ home — fuelling his entrepreneurial spirit and desire to see others lifted up. 

In 1974, David and his young family travelled to Darwin to help lead national recovery efforts following the devastation of Cyclone Tracy. Soon after, he found himself in Bali, Indonesia, aiding with earthquake recovery. It was there that he said he encountered a deeper truth.

“While traditional aid could provide temporary relief, it rarely broke the cycle of poverty. That realisation changed everything,” David said.

In Bali, David met Ketut, a farmer who had lost his crops and could no longer afford his land lease, and offered him a small $50 loan. Ketut’s wife Putu was then able to buy a sewing machine to start a home tailoring business and support their family.

Meanwhile, Ketut repaid the loan and expanded work into an import/export business and a taxi fleet, employing others in his community. 

David said he saw the transformative power of “microfinance” and began offering loans to others. 

“Loan after loan was repaid, recycled, and reinvested — each one empowering people not just to survive but to thrive,” he said.

Last month, nearly 50 years after that first loan, David reunited with Ketut and Putu in Bali, and met the family whose lives were transformed by one small act of faith.

“This story resonates deeply with Christian values: restoring families, empowering the poor, and offering a hand up, not just a handout,” Opportunity International Australia CEO Scott Walters said.

Article supplied with thanks to Salt 106.5.

Feature image: All images supplied by Opportunity International Australia

Boys To Men?

The so-called whipping boys for our cultural sins these days are actual boys. We hear and read it all of the time. Boys are failing and men are wrong. So go the headlines. And there is much handwringing by the powers that be as they seek to address this.

Yet what if the solution is hidden in plain sight?  For every forced “consent class” that young men have to attend to in a school, it would seem there is another solution running parallel, but unremarked upon by the culture. So far at least.

Yet the anecdotal evidence is lining up with the stats. Failing boys and wrong men are turning up at our churches in increasing numbers across the West. As Jesus said, he didn’t come for the well, but for the sick. Those are the types that need a doctor.

And everywhere in the West for the past two decades, men – young men in particular – have been told that they are not simply sick, but that they are the disease.

Now it’s true, there’s terrible porn and there’s violence and what not. But there is terrible suicide and deep addictions and a “checking out” lifestyle that has seen young women streak far ahead of young men in a Western culture that is protected from much of the historical harshness that required young men.

Besides all of that, I meet many great young men, both Christian and non-Christian who are bombarded with this “you’re the problem” message almost every day. It’s as if we no longer believe the psychological reality that words spoken over us shape us in ways that we cannot imagine.

And then we put a smartphone in their hands in a way we would not put a rifle in their hands, and they subsequently put that phone to their heads and pull the trigger.

Yet if the Quiet Revival is true, then it would appear some sort of tipping point has been reached. So many articles in every major newspaper about how men were the problem, and about why men had distinct advantages over women was written in the context of middle class, inner city lawyer-land.  And very few solutions that actually work.

And if your mantra as a young man at school is that foundationally you are the problem, yet there is not grace or empowerment given to you other than to get in touch with more feminine qualities (whatever that actually means, given that gentleness etc is a fruit of the Spirit quality not a feminine one), then you might just start behaving according to typecast.

I remember being lectured about male privilege by a well educated young woman who had plenty going for her. I thought about her conversation as I lived my life in working class Perth watching blokes in hi-vis work gear drive middling to old cars to factories and production lines to sweat it out for average wages.  Didn’t look all that privileged to me.

Now of course, both things can be true at the same time. But when it comes to privilege itself, there is a whole lot more going on than mere gender. So it’s intriguing to see that a cohort of young men who have long been told they are not only privileged for being male, but are problematic for, well for being male, has started turning up at church.

The Tide of Men

Just yesterday I had a conversation with a Christian leader in England whose husband pastors a church. And once again I heard the same story I’m hearing all over the West – a significant influx of young men into their church in the past few years from zero Christian background.

This quiet revival thing is a thing.  The stats are linking up with the experiences. The experiences with the stats. And if the various tributaries start to flow into small rivers and then into water systems, this quiet revival may not remain so quiet.

There are many reasons for all of this, of course, not least of all the fact that the Holy Spirit – like the wind – blows where He wills. People are moving from death to life, darkness to light, not because of our programs or our agendas or our ways of structuring our churches, but because the Spirit is moving them.

Of course they need to hear the gospel and repent and believe. And that they are turning up to churches that teach the Bible, point to Jesus and offer a way of living that is in direct contrast to the world, is exciting to see.

I think about some of the tough young men with bad backgrounds who I know who became Christian 20 years ago. Their conversions broke long-term cycles of bad families, bad behaviour and bad outcomes. They now have families who are stable, jobs that are meaningful, and they live to serve others not themselves. It’s grassroots change.

Now of course I believe that top-down change is also important, and we see elite conversations about Christianity too. But the grassroots is equally important. And equally important for young men. It’s no secret that young men have been doing it worse than many other cohorts in recent years.

They’ve been going through major problems, yet the constant narrative is that they are the problem! So in The New York Times yesterday we get these two articles in the opinion pages next to each other:

And this one:

Perhaps those two opinion page writers could get together and compare notes. Figure out where it all started. But whatever the coming conversation in the media and among the secular players in the West in the coming decades, perhaps we are seeing this conversation being bypassed by young men who end up in our churches.

Perhaps we are seeing young men who end up having their lives, their goals, their desires turned around by the gospel which tells them that the problem is far deeper than The New York Times can diagnose, but that the solution is far better than The New York Times can offer.

Article supplied with thanks to Stephen McAlpine

About the Author: Stephen has been reading, writing and reflecting ever since he can remember. A former church pastor, he now trains church and ministry leaders, and in his writing dabbles in a number of fields, notably theology and culture.

Feature image: Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

In his wonderful book, Reaching Out, Henri Nouwen suggests there are three key movements in the spiritual life. There is the movement from loneliness to solitude; from hostility to hospitality; and from illusion to prayer.

Nouwen views each as an important part of our journey of spiritual ascent, the goal of which is union with God. The first explores our relationship with our own self, the second our relationship with others and the third our relationship with God. I recently preached on the first movement, and have been thinking about it since. Here are some of my thoughts on the journey from loneliness to solitude.

The Epidemic of Loneliness in Modern Life

Since former US Surgeon General Vivak Murthy spoke about the health risk of what he called the “epidemic of loneliness,” it has become common to note the dangers of loneliness, and indeed there are many. Apparently loneliness is about as damaging to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and can lead to cognitive decline, depression and heart problems. There are many reasons for the increase in loneliness, not least of which is that we are more mobile than we have ever been before, and despite the many advantages of this, it means we often say “goodbye” as we pack up and move to greener pastures. Most of the world’s major cities are filled with people who were not born there, but come from somewhere else. It takes time to build strong relationships and it is far easier to replace things than it is to replace people.

Recently I was chatting to a coaching client who had made a major move. Overall he was very positive, and quick to see the many things that had gone right and had even exceeded his expectations. But then his eyes welled up and he struggled to control his emotion… “It’s just that, it’s just that I’m now so lonely. Before if I went to the supermarket I always bumped into someone I knew. They might not have been my closest friend, but at least it was someone to say ‘hello’ to. Now there is no one, no one at all.” Those of you who have made a major move probably identify. The old sitcom Cheershad the theme song Where Everybody Knows Your Name – but those who have recently moved often experience the loss of being in a place where no one knows your name, and it can feel devastatingly lonely.

More Than Just Missing People: The Deeper Ache of Being Unknown

Real though that loneliness is, some feel a deeper form of aloneness – the awareness that you are with people you know yet feeling that they really don’t know you, that they don’t see you, that they don’t understand and that you can’t really be yourself. It can be the loneliness of being in a loveless marriage, or having parents who haven’t noticed that you are no longer 3, or feeling compelled to go along with the crowd, even though inwardly you think very differently.

The most common advice to those who feel that kind of loneliness is to reach out to others and to get involved with life. “Be the friend you would like to have,” is common counsel, and while there is truth in it, it is far easier said than done.

When Even You Don’t Understand Yourself

Sometimes the greatest loneliness is when we don’t understand our own self or our actions. Paul writes vividly of the experience in Romans 7:14–25 where he laments constantly doing what he never wants to do, and being who he does not want to be. His consolation is the grace of God.

From Emptiness to Encounter: Finding God in Solitude

It is that consolation that Nouwen points towards when he outlines the journey from loneliness to solitude. Rather than fill our emptiness with endless busy activity, Nouwen advocates that we begin the journey to solitude. In solitude we carve a place where we intentionally embrace being on our own. Ironically in doing so we shape a place where God can meet us. We go to the place of solitude to be alone so that we know that ultimately we are never alone for God is with us. Contradictory though that may sound, it is profoundly true. It is often when we are most deeply alone that we realise we are not alone.

This became real to me over a decade ago while I was on sabbatical leave in the US. I was there to lecture a couple of courses and to begin work on my now long-published book The Tortoise Usually Wins. My time overlapped with the Easter weekend and some folk I met kindly invited me to spend Easter with them. I was pleased for the invite, as though the university had provided me with a delightful cottage, I realised the campus would be deserted over Easter and didn’t want to be alone – even though I had plenty of work to get on with. But on the Thursday morning my friend phoned and very apologetically said they had to withdraw the invitation as they had an unexpected crisis and it would no longer be possible for me to stay. If I had been in my usual place and space, that would have been no major issue, I would simply have pivoted to a Plan B, and all would have been well. But it is not so easy to have a Plan B when you are far from everyone you know. I suddenly realised I would be spending all day Friday, all day Saturday and all day Sunday, entirely on my own (I had been able to organise something else for the Monday). I was 53 at the time, and in all my 53 years I had never been entirely alone for a full 3 days. I had no transport so could only travel as far as I could walk, and felt a little daunted.

Friday started badly. I thought I would try one of the few churches in walking distance, but got the service time wrong, and it was all over before I got there. I tried to busy myself with writing, but my heart was not in it. I thought I should make it a spiritual retreat time – it was after all the Easter weekend. It worked up to a point, but by and large the extravert in me was screaming for human interaction. Late on Saturday afternoon I went for a walk, and remember coming to a point on the campus where a vast green space lay ahead. I hadn’t passed even one person on my walk, and could see no one in the terrain ahead. As I started the walk through that beautiful area it felt as though I heard the voice of God saying to me, “Let’s do this walk together.” No, it wasn’t an audible voice, and if there had been anyone in the vicinity (there wasn’t) they wouldn’t have heard anything. But it was as clear as clear to me. As I walked on, with each step I felt a deep reassurance well up within me, “You are not alone. I am with you. If I am with you, that is all you need.” It made a profound impression on me… I’d go so far as to say that it has been formative. I can say that I know (as in know very deeply within) that God is always with me – and that transforms everything.

Returning to the cottage afterwards I found I was able to lean into the silence, rather than try to get away from it. It felt a welcome friend. I had begun my journey from loneliness to solitude. When things seem a little out of control (and no, that doesn’t happen often) I sense that same deep reassurance. God is, and God is good, and God is with me. And that is more than enough.

Jesus and the Power of Lonely Places

Luke 5:16 reads, “But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places to pray.” It’s one thing to ask the “What would Jesus do?” question – another to answer the “What did Jesus do?” question. From Luke we know that Jesus often withdrew to lonely places to pray. And in those lonely places, he found the solitude to embrace his mission, and change the world. Perhaps if, like Jesus, we welcome a retreat to lonely places, we might find the inner peace to embrace our God-ordained mission with courage and hope. And the journey from loneliness to solitude need not be a long one.

Article supplied with thanks to Brian Harris.

About the Author: Brian is a speaker, teacher, leader, writer, author and respected theologian who is founding director of the AVENIR Leadership Institute, fostering leaders who will make a positive impact on the world.

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A common myth about relationships is that not fighting is a good sign. Although not fighting may sound ideal, peaceful, easy, and drama-free, in reality, the absence of conflict can sometimes signal emotional distance, avoidance, or unspoken resentment.

What truly matters is not whether you fight, but whether you know how to fight well, this includes engaging with respect, care, and a willingness to understand each other.

In their book Fight Right, Drs. John and Julie Gottman offer a powerful reframe: conflict isn’t the problem—it’s how we handle it that matters. When approached with care and curiosity, conflict can actually become a gateway to deeper understanding, growth, and closeness.

Here are 5 key takeaways from the Gottmans’ work that we’ve found helpful in our work with couples:

1. Start Gently to Fight Well

When emotions are high, it’s easy to jump in with blame or criticism. But the way an argument begins often sets the tone for how it will end. Starting with a gentle “I” statement, like “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and could use some help”, is far more effective than “You never help around the house.”

2. Stay Emotionally Engaged to Fight Well

In tough moments, some of us shut down or walk away. Whilst it’s a protective response, it can leave your partner feeling abandoned. The Gottmans talk about “turning toward” instead: staying present, even if you don’t have the perfect response. Sometimes just saying, “I’m trying to understand” can go a long way.

3. Watch for the ‘Four Horsemen’ to Fight Well

These are four communication habits that can seriously harm relationships:

• Criticism – attacking your partner’s character rather than addressing specific behaviours
• Contempt – using sarcasm, mocking, or eye-rolling to express disrespect
• Defensiveness – shifting blame or playing the victim instead of taking responsibility
• Stonewalling – shutting down or going silent to avoid the conversation

We all fall into these patterns from time to time, especially when feeling hurt or overwhelmed. But becoming aware of them, and learning to recognise the early signs, can make a big difference. Catching these habits early allows you to pause, reflect, and respond more thoughtfully before things spiral.

4. Make Repairs Along the Way to Fight Well

Conflict doesn’t have to be fully resolved in one conversation. What matters more is that both people feel safe, heard, and emotionally connected. Resolution often takes time, and it’s the small repair attempts, like a kind word, a gentle touch, or a bit of humour, that help maintain the bond. These gestures show that the relationship matters more than being right and can be the first step toward rebuilding understanding.

5. Go Deeper Than the Surface to Fight Well

Most fights aren’t really about the dishwasher, dirty laundry, or weekend plans. At their core, they’re usually about deeper emotional needs, like feeling appreciated, respected, accepted, or understood. When you take a moment to look beyond the surface of the argument and ask, “What’s really going on here?”, you open the door to more meaningful communication. That’s where real understanding begins, and where genuine healing and growth in the relationship can take place.

Fighting With Your Relationship in Mind

The goal isn’t to avoid conflict altogether. It’s to approach disagreements with the mindset of building us, not just proving me. Fighting right means seeing conflict as part of the dance of a long-term relationship. Not a step backward, but a way forward. It’s not about fighting less. It’s about learning to fight well.

Article supplied with thanks to The Centre for Effective Living.
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