The good news is that being emotionally connected to your child isn’t about always being calm, perfectly patient or making kids happy all the time.

Most parents don’t wake up in the morning thinking, Today I’m going to emotionally disconnect from my children. Yet, maybe you grew up with emotionally unavailable parents. Maybe emotions weren’t talked about in your family system.

Maybe emotional expression was dismissed, ignored or seen as “too much”. Or maybe you’re simply exhausted, overstimulated and trying to survive another week of school lunches, tantrums and interrupted sleep.

The truth is, emotional availability isn’t about being always calm, perfectly patient or emotionally “on” 24/7. It’s about emotional presence. It’s about whether your child feels emotionally connected to you, even during ordinary everyday moments.

What Does Emotional Availability Actually Mean?

An emotionally available parent is someone who is emotionally present and responsive to their child’s emotional needs. That doesn’t mean fixing every feeling or making children happy all the time.

It means being able to notice your child’s emotions and respond instead of react (most of the time), and create emotional safety when they need support.

Sometimes emotional availability looks big and obvious, like comforting a child after a nightmare, but is incredibly ordinary most of the time. It’s:

• looking up when your child says, “Mum, watch this”
• noticing when they seem quieter than usual
• sitting beside them after a hard day
• listening without immediately correcting or dismissing
• apologising after losing your temper
• helping children understand big emotions instead of shaming them for having them
• observing them and noticing that they might be carrying something they don’t have the confidence to speak about
• anticipating the emotional longings of your child without them needing to say it all the time

These little moments shape attachment security over time. At a basic level, it could simply be asking yourself, “What did I need as a little girl in this moment?” and trying your best to be that for your child.

Why Emotional Connection Matters So Much

Children learn about relationships through their earliest experiences with parents and caregivers. Attachment researchshows that emotional availability plays a huge role in helping children develop secure attachment.

When children consistently feel emotionally safe, supported and understood, they’re more likely to build healthy relationships later in life. They begin developing beliefs like:

• “My feelings matter.”
• “I can ask for support.”
• “People are emotionally safe.”
• “I am worthy of love and connection.”

This becomes part of their inner world and emotional attachment patterns as they grow.

On the other hand, emotional unavailability can sometimes lead children to suppress emotions, disconnect from their emotional needs or develop insecure attachment styles in adult relationships.

But this is important: No parent gets this right all the time.

Good parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about repair, consistency and emotional awareness over time.

Different Attachment Styles And What They Mean

Attachment styles are the patterns we develop around relationships, emotional connection and safety. They’re shaped largely through early childhood experiences. In simple terms, attachment styles influence things like:

• how safe we feel emotionally
• how we handle closeness
• how we react to conflict
• whether we trust other people
• how we behave in adult relationships

Most people fall into one of four main attachment patterns.

1. Secure Attachment

Secure attachment is considered the healthiest attachment style overall. Children usually develop secure attachment when parents are emotionally available, responsive, consistent and emotionally safe most of the time. Their emotional needs are generally acknowledged and supported.

As adults, people with secure attachment often:

• feel comfortable with emotional closeness
• communicate openly
• trust other people more easily
• regulate emotions relatively well
• maintain healthy relationships
• handle conflict without extreme fear or withdrawal

This doesn’t mean they never struggle emotionally. It simply means relationships usually feel safe rather than threatening.

How Secure Attachment Manifests:

• asking for support when needed
• feeling okay with both independence and closeness
• recovering from conflict without panic
• expressing emotions directly
• setting healthy boundaries

Why It’s Healthy:

Secure attachment creates emotional stability, resilience, emotional regulation and stronger adult relationships overall.

2. Anxious Attachment

Anxious attachment develops when emotional support feels inconsistent during childhood. A child may experience warmth and connection irregularly, for no real rhyme or reason, with parents who are very unpredictable.

As adults, this can lead to:

• fear of abandonment
• overthinking relationships
• needing constant reassurance
• emotional overwhelm
• people pleasing
• difficulty feeling secure in relationships

People with anxious attachment may become highly sensitive to changes in tone, distance or conflict, often fearing rejection or disconnection. While it can create unhealthy relationship patterns, anxious attachment can absolutely improve through emotional awareness, therapy and secure relationships.

3. Avoidant Attachment

Avoidant attachment develops when children learn their emotional needs are ignored, dismissed or unsafe to express. This is common with parents who are unable to be present or who haven’t emotionally matured to the level that their child needs.

Children may unconsciously learn:

• “I have to handle things alone.”
• “My emotions are too big to tell anyone.”

As adults, people with avoidant attachment often appear highly independent but struggle with emotional closeness. This can look like:

• shutting down emotionally
• avoiding vulnerability
• pulling away during conflict
• suppressing emotions
• struggling to rely on other people

Although avoidant attachment can create emotional distance in relationships, it’s usually a protective response developed early in life, not a lack of care or love.

4. Disorganised Attachment

Disorganised attachment often develops in childhood environments that feel frightening, chaotic, emotionally neglectful or deeply inconsistent. Children may crave emotional connection while also fearing it at the same time.

As adults, this can create confusing relationship patterns such as:

• wanting closeness but fearing intimacy
• emotional highs and lows
• difficulty trusting people
• fear of abandonment mixed with fear of dependence
• emotional dysregulation

Disorganised attachment can strongly affect mental health, self esteem and adult relationships, but healing is possible through emotional safety, therapy, attachment repair and secure relationships over time.

Signs Of Emotional Availability In Everyday Parenting

A lot of people hear terms like emotional availability or emotional connection and imagine deep therapeutic conversations happening constantly. Real life usually looks much messier than that.

An emotionally available parent might:

• comfort a crying child instead of saying “stop being dramatic”
• acknowledge feelings even while setting boundaries
• make time for connection during busy days
• stay emotionally present during difficult moments
• help children name emotions
• listen without immediately trying to “fix” everything

For example, when your child comes home upset after friendship issues at school, emotional availability doesn’t mean solving the problem perfectly. Sometimes it’s simply:

• “That sounds really hurtful.”
• “I can understand why you feel upset.”
• “Would you like some advice or do you just want me to listen?”

Those moments can help build emotional closeness and trust.

Emotional Availability Doesn’t Mean Unlimited Access

This is where lots of mums feel confused. Being emotionally available doesn’t mean your child has constant access to you every second of the day. Parents are human beings with emotional needs too. You are still allowed to:

• feel overwhelmed
• need space
• become dysregulated
• say “I need five minutes”
• set healthy boundaries
• make mistakes

In fact, children benefit from seeing healthy emotional regulation modelled in realistic ways. A child doesn’t need a permanently calm parent. They need a parent who repairs after hard moments and helps create emotional safety overall.

The Impact Of Emotionally Unavailable Parenting

Many adults are now reflecting on their own childhood experiences and recognising signs of emotionally unavailable parenting in their upbringing. Emotionally unavailable parents aren’t always intentionally neglectful or uncaring. Sometimes they were:

• emotionally immature parents
• struggling with mental health challenges
• overwhelmed by survival stress
• raised in families where emotions were ignored
• disconnected from their own emotional needs
• at a young age when they started parenting and lacked emotional maturity or wisdom

Some children grow up learning that emotions are inconvenient, dramatic, weak or punished. Over time, this emotional distance can affect:

• self-esteem
• emotional expression
• romantic relationships
• emotional regulation
• attachment style
• emotional closeness with other people

Being able to reflect on your own childhood with awareness rather than judgement can be incredibly powerful. It’s not about blaming yourself or your parents, but gently noticing the patterns, experiences and emotional wounds that may still affect you today.

That kind of self-awareness can support your own healing journey, help you parent more intentionally and highlight areas where new patterns, boundaries or changes may be needed.

Parenting While Breaking Old Patterns

One of the hardest parts of parenting is realising that your child’s emotions can trigger unresolved feelings from your own childhood. Maybe you experienced emotional neglect, so being emotionally present for your children doesn’t come naturally because nobody modelled it for you. Or maybe part of you deeply resents being expected to give your children the emotional support you never received yourself.

This is why these conversations matter so much. Many mums are trying to learn emotional availability from scratch while also healing their own attachment wounds at the same time.

You might notice yourself:

• shutting down during conflict
• struggling to tolerate strong emotions
• becoming defensive when children cry
• feeling emotionally exhausted easily
• wanting to “fix” feelings quickly
• avoiding emotional conversations altogether

That doesn’t make you a bad parent. You’re simply a human and you’re very likely trying to do your best. That’s why you’re reading this article.

Learning emotional availability is possible at any stage of life. Even if you didn’t have empathy modelled to you growing up, there is much scientific evidence proving that empathy is a learned behaviour (meaning you can learn it now).

Many people build healthier emotional attachment patterns through therapy, reflection, parenting support and greater self-awareness. Often, parenting itself becomes part of the healing process. With support and processing, you can rewrite your own story while helping to shape your little one’s life story.

Emotional Availability Is Often Found In Small Moments

When people picture “good parenting” they often imagine huge meaningful moments, but emotional presence is usually built through tiny repeated interactions. It’s:

• making eye contact during conversations
• laughing together over a meal
• comforting children after disappointment
• validating emotions without judgement
• staying connected after conflict
• showing interest in your child’s inner world

These moments help children develop attachment security and emotional confidence over time.

Importantly, emotional availability doesn’t require expensive parenting courses, perfect routines or endless free time. Children don’t need perfection. They need connection.

Frequently Asked Questions About Emotional Availability And Parenting

Q: What Does It Mean To Be An Emotionally Available Parent?

An emotionally available parent is someone who is emotionally present, responsive and supportive of their child’s emotional needs. It doesn’t mean being perfect or calm all the time. It means helping children feel safe, understood and connected.

Q: Can You Be A Good Parent If You Didn’t Have Emotionally Available Parents?

Yes. Many people are learning emotional availability as adults because they didn’t experience it growing up. Parenting can actually become part of the healing journey as you build more self-awareness and healthier emotional patterns.

Q: What Are Emotionally Unavailable Parents?

Emotionally unavailable parents are caregivers who struggle to emotionally connect, validate feelings or respond consistently to a child’s emotional needs. This can happen for many reasons, including stress, trauma, mental health struggles or their own childhood experiences.

Q: How Does Emotional Unavailability Affect Children?

Children who experience emotional unavailability may struggle with emotional regulation, low self-esteem, emotional expression, attachment security or healthy relationships later in life. Some develop anxious, avoidant or insecure attachment styles.

Q: What Is Secure Attachment?

Secure attachment develops when children generally feel emotionally safe, supported, comforted and valued by their caregivers. It helps children build confidence, emotional resilience and healthier adult relationships.

Q: What Are Signs Of Emotional Availability In Parenting?

Emotional availability can look like:

• listening without judgement
• comforting children when upset
• acknowledging emotions
• apologising after mistakes
• being emotionally present during difficult moments
• helping children feel emotionally safe

Article supplied with thanks to Mum’s At The Table

About the Author: Adriana is Mums At The Table’s part-time digital content creator and writes from Kingscliff, Queensland.

Feature image: canva.com

How to really check in with your child.

“How was your day?”

“Fine.”

“Anything happen?”

“No.”

And that’s apparently the end of the conversation. You’ve had a more detailed update from the school lunchbox.

Getting past the one-word answers can be tricky. Particularly when you’re not just making conversation. You’re asking because something seems a little different, and you’re trying to work out whether your child is okay… but where to from here?

Clinical psychologist Asher Morrison gives practical suggestions parents can try to open up those conversations, what to look for and what to do when the answer isn’t a reassuring one.

Here’s five considerations for parents when something doesn’t feel quite right.

1. Is It Moodiness, Or Something More?

If moodiness alone meant something was wrong, plenty of parents would be concerned before breakfast.

Asher acknowledges that many of the things parents might worry about can also be part of an ordinary teenage day. Being tired, agitated, off their food or less interested in spending time with people can be difficult to interpret on their own.

The thing to notice is a change in what’s usual for your child.

Look at whether those behaviours are happening over a prolonged period of time or if there’s a sudden change towards some of those behaviors.

Have they stopped enjoying something they usually love? Are they withdrawing from friends? Has their sleep or appetite noticeably changed?

You don’t need to have worked out exactly what’s going on before you ask.

And if asking earns you an eye roll? That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve done the wrong thing.

“I think a teenager might get annoyed at you,” Asher says. “But that doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing to do.”

2. Ask About The Things You Know Matter

“How was your day?” is a fairly big question. There’s a lot of day to choose from.

Getting specific can help, particularly with younger children. Ask about lunch, a lesson or the friend they mentioned yesterday. If they’ve told you something is difficult, come back to it.

How did that conversation go? Was maths any better today? Who did you spend lunchtime with?

You’re not conducting an investigation. You’re showing that you listened, remembered and are still interested.

For a deeper check-in, Asher suggests:

“Is there anything that’s getting you down at the moment?”

Or:

“Anything that you haven’t told me yet you think it’d be good to let me know?”

The first question may not get much back. That doesn’t make it pointless.

“Don’t necessarily nag, but do persist with turning up and asking,” he advises.

3. Be Ready When They’re Ready

Unfortunately, your child’s preferred time for a meaningful conversation may not line up with yours.

You might be ready at afternoon tea. They might be ready when you’ve brushed your teeth, turned out the light and have absolutely nothing left.

Asher encourages parents to be open to those inconvenient moments. Sometimes that means propping yourself up on the pillows and listening to the child who has just appeared at the end of your bed.

It can also mean making use of the ordinary moments already in your day.

The drive to school. Something to eat together. Time side by side, without a device between you.

“You get into this rhythm with staring down the road and being side by side, and things just come out,” Asher says.

Not every important conversation needs a formal sit-down. Sometimes it needs a lift somewhere.

4. What If They’re Not Okay?

The temptation can be to immediately take over. Make the appointment, contact the school, come up with the solution.

But Asher says that as children get older, involving them in the next steps becomes increasingly important.

“What do you think we could do about this?” he suggests asking. “Who could we talk to?”

Depending on what’s happening, that might mean approaching a trusted teacher together or seeking professional support.

And if they don’t want help, it doesn’t mean a parent has to do nothing. Asher encourages parents to acknowledge that getting help can be difficult, while making it clear that their concern isn’t going away.

The aim is to work with your child, while continuing to take their wellbeing seriously.

5. Keep The Conversation Going

Initiatives like R U OK? Day can be a helpful prompt. But family life carries on after the day is over, and so should the conversations.

It’s possible to know who needs picking up, what homework is due and what everyone wants for dinner, without really knowing how anyone is going.

Checking in takes some deliberate effort. It may be awkward. It may be inconvenient. It may not produce much of an answer the first time.

For parents who already know their child is struggling, Asher offers some hope.

“I think the most hopeless time is before you start doing anything about it.”

Change isn’t always easy or quick. But starting a conversation and taking a step towards support is better than sitting with it alone.

You don’t need a perfect opening line or an answer for everything they might tell you.

Start by asking. Make room to listen. And keep turning up.

Article supplied with thanks to Rhema 99.7.

About the Author: Chloe Ellenbacher is the co-host of The Fresh Start Morning Show on Rhema 99.7.

Feature image: canva.com

Who will care for your kids if the worst happens? Discover how to choose a legal guardian and protect your children’s future with confidence.

There are some parenting jobs nobody warns you about.

Packing lunches? Sure. Navigating toddler tantrums in the middle of the supermarket? Absolutely. Learning how to remove mystery stains from everything you own? That’s a given, right?

But deciding who would raise your children if something happened to you? That’s a zone we don’t like to even think about.

It’s one of the biggest parenting decisions you’ll ever have to make and one that most of us avoid thinking about for as long as possible. After all, no parent wants to imagine a world where they’re not there for school pick-ups, bedtime stories, sports days, first heartbreaks, graduations and all the little moments in between. Then there are some of us who think if we plan for it, it just might happen, so better not to think about it at all.

The Insurance Plan For Your Children

Planning for the unexpected isn’t about being negative or somehow inviting bad things to happen. It’s about making sure your children are protected, no matter what life throws your family’s way. It’s about being prepared, so you can stop worrying about the “what ifs” and instead be more present, more confident and more at peace.

Think of it like having car insurance. Nobody buys it because they’re planning to crash the car. They buy it because life can be unpredictable.

The same goes for having a plan for your children. If something happened to you tomorrow, would the people you trust know what to do? Would they know who should care for your children? Would they know where your important documents are? Would they have access to the information they need?

If your answer is “I’m not sure” or “I really should sort that out”, let me tell you you’re not alone.

So, here’s everything you need to know to make sure your children are cared for and supported should anything happen to you. Get it sorted, get it out of the way and get back to enjoying everyday life with the peace of mind that you’ve planned for the unexpected.

1. First Things First: Choose An Appointed Guardian

When there is a situation involving a deceased parent, decisions about the care of minor children can become complex, both emotionally and legally. In many cases, the surviving parent or biological parent will have an automatic right to take on care, supported by their existing parental rights and legal right under the Family Law Act.

However, if there is uncertainty or disagreement, a court order may be required to formally appoint a legal guardian or recognise a designated guardian. Throughout this process, the priority remains the wellbeing of the bereaved child, including their emotional needs and access to appropriate social care, with arrangements typically continuing until they reach 18 years.

That’s a lot to take in. So, if you only do one thing after reading this, make it this.

Who would raise your children if you couldn’t? It’s one of the toughest decisions, but it has to be done. Most people immediately think of close family members, a sibling, a cousin or a grandparent. Others may have close friends who feel more like family than blood relatives ever could.

The truth is, there isn’t a perfect choice. The right guardian is the person who would love your children, provide stability and make decisions in their best interests.

When considering a guardian, ask yourself:

• Does this person genuinely enjoy spending time with my children?
• Do they share similar values and a similar parenting style?
• Would my children feel safe and comfortable with them?
• Could they manage the practical side of raising children?
• Are they emotionally and financially stable?
• Would they support my children’s relationship with other family members?

You should also think about your children’s ages. The needs of toddlers, school-aged children, teenagers and young adults can be very different.

Don’t just assume they’ll say yes. This is the part many parents skip. You might have someone in mind, but have you actually asked them? Being a child’s guardian is a huge responsibility.

Have an honest conversation about:

• What caring for your children would involve
• Your hopes for their education
• Religious beliefs or family traditions that matter to you
• Financial provision for your children’s future
• Your expectations around contact with extended family

It can feel awkward at first, but most people would rather know your wishes now than be surprised during an already difficult time.

While you’re at it, choose a backup guardian too. Life happens. The person you choose today may not be able to take on the role in 10 or 15 years.

2. Make It Official With A Will

Many parents assume that if they’ve told family members what they want, that’s enough. Unfortunately, it’s not. Your wishes should be recorded in legal documents, including a valid will.

Your will allows you to nominate a testamentary guardian and appoint an executor to manage your estate. Without a will, decisions may be left to the court, which can create additional stress, delays and uncertainty for your loved ones.

The Family Court will always consider the child’s best interests, but documenting your wishes gives important guidance if questions ever arise. Getting legal advice is one of the best investments parents can make to ensure all of these very important decisions get done right and thoroughly.

3. Understand The Difference Between A Guardian And An Executor

These roles are often confused. A guardian raises your children, while an executor manages your estate. Both are key people in your plan, so it’s important to be transparent and open with them to ensure they can carry out their responsibilities properly.

Your executor plays an important role in managing your estate, including handling the legal implications that arise after your death:

• Managing assets (the family home, cars, etc).
• Closing bank account facilities
• Contacting financial institutions
• Dealing with insurance companies
• Administering your deceased estate
• Paying debts and funeral expenses
• Distributing assets according to your wishes

The same person can do both jobs, but they don’t have to. In fact, a lot of parents choose to split these responsibilities. Your executor could be a close friend or family member who’s good with paperwork and finances, while your guardian is the person you trust to raise your children.

Rather than asking one person to do everything, it’s often better to spread the responsibility between two people you trust. It makes the job less overwhelming and lets each person focus on the role they’re best suited to.

4. Create A “Just In Case” Folder

Imagine your chosen guardian suddenly needed to step into your shoes. What would they need to know? Creating a simple folder containing important information can save enormous stress. Include:

• Birth certificates
• Medicare details
• Passport information
• School contacts
• Childcare information
• Medical history
• Allergies
• Medications
• Health insurance details
• Emergency contacts
• Copies of legal documents
• Life insurance policies
• Banking information
• Password instructions
• Contact details for your solicitor and accountant

Keep everything in one secure location and make sure a trusted person knows where it is.

5. Leave A Letter For Your Children

This isn’t a legal requirement. It’s just something many parents find comforting.

Write a letter to each child. Tell them what you love about them. Share your hopes for their future. Tell them family stories they may not remember. Leave advice, encouragement, funny memories and reminders of how deeply they were loved.

6. Think Beyond The Practical Stuff

Children need more than a roof over their heads. They need continuity. Think about the little things that make up their world:

• Favourite routines
• Family traditions
• Birthday celebrations
• School friendships
• Sporting commitments
• Religious beliefs
• Holiday traditions
• Special relationships with grandparents, cousins, and close friends

Leave notes for your guardian about what matters most. These details help preserve a sense of normality during a time of enormous change.

7. Make Sure There Is Financial Support

Raising children is expensive. Review your:

• Life insurance
• Superannuation beneficiaries
• Savings accounts
• Investments
• Testamentary trust options
• Estate planning arrangements

The goal isn’t to leave your children wealthy. It’s to ensure they have financial support for education, healthcare, housing and everyday needs.

If Death Is Expected

In situations involving palliative care or end-of-life care, families often have time to organise practical matters. This may include:

• Updating legal documents
• Discussing funeral arrangements
• Recording special requests
• Speaking with medical professionals
• Reviewing financial arrangements

While these conversations are never easy, they can reduce uncertainty for family members later.

Of course, there are the more sensitive areas of actually preparing your kids for the time when they won’t have you with them. One of the most important things you can do is help children feel as safe, supported and included as possible.

Every child responds differently, but being honest, reassuring and keeping familiar routines where you can often helps them cope.

This might include:

• Talking to your children in an age-appropriate way about what’s happening.
• Giving them opportunities to spend meaningful time with you, if possible.
• Creating lasting memories through photos, videos, letters, handprints or keepsakes.
• Recording stories, family history, favourite recipes or special messages for birthdays, graduations and other milestones.
• Letting trusted family members, teachers or close friends know what’s happening so they can provide extra support.
• Discussing with them who will care for them and helping them build familiarity with that person, as much as possible.
• Keeping important family information organised so those caring for your children know their routines, preferences, medical needs, friendships and the little things that help them feel secure.

None of these conversations are easy and there is no perfect way to prepare. But taking small steps now can provide children with comfort, stability and a stronger sense of security during one of the hardest times they’ll ever experience.

The Best Gift Isn’t Money

When people think about estate planning, they often focus on money. But if there was one pressing parental responsibility, it’s making sure your sweet babies are taken care of if you’re not here.

For children, what matters most is security. Knowing who will care for them. Knowing where they’ll live. Knowing the adults around them have a plan. It’s in your children’s best interest that you make these decisions now, to save stress later.

None of us can control what happens tomorrow. But we can make things a little easier for the people we love most.

While it may not be the most enjoyable item on your parenting to-do list, creating a plan for your children is one of the most caring, responsible and loving things you’ll ever do.

Article supplied with thanks to Mum’s At The Table

About the Author: Adriana is Mums At The Table’s part-time digital content creator and writes from Kingscliff, Queensland.

Feature image: canva.com

You’re doing the same thing everyday… And that’s good.

The Fiji holiday. The pool in the backyard. The pile of presents on a birthday morning. These were not the ingredients of my childhood. And I had a good one.

So, if it wasn’t the presents and the trips, what made it good?

Think about your best family feelings from childhood and ask yourself, “What gave me that feeling?”

I remember frequent trips in our old Mitsubishi van with no air conditioning, singing songs from Sister Act with my siblings. (We nailed them). I remember eating dessert with my family at the big dining table every night, my mum pulling out whatever she had baked that day.

None of those memories required an extravagant spend. In fact, they all felt completely ordinary at the time, because they happened all the time.

As a parent now, I can see the temptation to rely on spending money to create childhood memories for my kids. But I wonder if predictable family patterns, habits and traditions are actually the glue of a good childhood.

My little family is somewhat lazy in the evenings. Our family habit is to sit around and watch TV together. We’re not looking at our phones. We’re all engaged with the one screen in front of us.

Our incessant commentary throughout every show drives my husband crazy. He frequently pauses it to say, “You’re missing the plot! That was an important part of the story and you missed it!” because we have talked over all the action on the screen.

It’s not board-game-level family bonding, but it’s us. We’re now at the point where the kids will yell at 7pm, “Are we all watching something?” because the evening doesn’t feel quite right if we haven’t all been in the lounge room together.

I’ve come to see that repeating the same little habits, daily, weekly or monthly, creates stability and predictability in an increasingly chaotic world. Deep down, I think that’s something our kids not only want but need.

In some ways, it would be easier to throw in a big holiday at the end of the year and declare, “This is our family time,” than to sit through a TV show you have no interest in for an hour each night simply because your kids want you there.

The holiday may become a wonderful memory and an amazing Insta post, it cannot replace the ordinary connection moments.

Maybe your family gets takeaway every Friday night. Maybe you pray before dinner, always say “I love you” at bedtime, or have some other monotonous, seemingly unspecial tradition.

Those are the things that will be remembered.

The ordinary things take time and consistent effort. Life may even feel monotonous to you, but to your children, those ordinary moments are becoming their ‘good childhood’.

Article supplied with thanks to Rhema 99.7.

About the Author: Chloe Ellenbacher is the co-host of The Fresh Start Morning Show on Rhema 99.7.

Feature image: Supplied

Tasked with raising a generation of boy who will have to navigate a complex world of diversity and rapid change, here’s how to teach them to be great humans.

As parents, carers, grandparents, guardians, teachers, mentors and role models, we are tasked with raising the next generation of men, a generation that will have to navigate a world of complexity, diversity and rapid change.

At the same time, we must also support existing adult men to guide and shape the next generation. But to do so, we must first confront the fact that traditional models of masculinity and manhood, which have long defined what it means to be a man, no longer serve us today.

We need to break free from rigid, outdated notions of masculinity that teach boys and men to suppress their emotions, hide their vulnerabilities and conform to socially constructed ideals of power and strength.

We need to raise great men, not by simply telling them how to behave or what to believe, but by teaching them how to think for themselves, how to feel and how to be authentically themselves.

This is not about simply shifting the burden of gendered expectations from one side to the other—this is about creating space for boys and men to be whole humans, giving them permission to explore masculinity without judgement and to embrace the full spectrum of their emotional and human experiences.

Over the years, I’ve worked closely with boys, facilitating programs and observing their struggles, triumphs and moments of self-discovery. The challenges boys face today are both vast and nuanced, but the traits they need to thrive remain constant. The actions I’ve listed below aren’t just about teaching boys how to be great men; they’re about teaching them how to be great humans.

1. Build resilience

Life is full of challenges, setbacks and failures. Building resilience in boys means teaching them how to handle adversity, bounce back from failure and keep moving forward. But resilience isn’t just about “toughing it out”; it’s about learning to sit with discomfort, asking for help and finding solutions in the face of difficulty.

In this modern era, we grow up with the Australian idea of “She’ll be right, mate”, which means everything will be OK. But in fact, this teaches us to suppress, not talk and bottle it all up. Resilience isn’t about strength and bouncing straight back with no battle scars—it’s about the repair after the rupture. It takes time for wounds to heal, as it does for us to bounce back from setbacks.

Here are some strategies that can help build resilience in boys:

Encourage problem-solving

Don’t rush in to solve the problems of boys and men. Instead, ask them, “How do you think we can solve this?” or “What could you try next?” This helps them feel like they can ask for help but still maintain a level of control. We need younger men, in particular, to develop problem-solving skills and to understand that mistakes are an opportunity to learn and grow.

Celebrate effort over outcome

Often, we focus on success (wins, results). But celebrating effort and progress shows that resilience is about persistence, not perfection. If we fail at something it should not be final. Dealing with, sitting in, being uncomfortable with failure, or even rejection, is important. Conversations should be shaped by questions like, “What can we try next time?”

Model resilience

When things get tough, whether it’s a family situation, work stress or a personal setback, talk about how you’re dealing with it and the strategies you’re using to stay strong. Open up, even when it’s uncomfortable or feels awkward. This gives us all a blueprint for coping with adversity in our own lives.

2. Encourage self-awareness

Being self-aware means understanding who you are, what you value and how your actions impact others. It’s about developing a sense of identity that is rooted in self-respect and authenticity rather than external expectations. For many men, this journey of self-awareness is clouded by societal pressures and peer influence.

We need more role models providing younger men and boys with opportunities to reflect on their values, passions and aspirations. For example:

Encourage reflection

Ask, “Was there a moment when you felt upset? How did you handle it?” These questions help everyone think about their actions, their emotions and their responses.

Model reflection

Take time to reflect on your own actions, particularly when things don’t go as planned. Say things like, “I could have handled that situation better. Next time I’ll try to stay calm and think before I react.” This shows that self-awareness includes learning from mistakes and taking responsibility.

3. Empower with responsibility

Boys and men need real responsibilities. It can start with taking care of a pet as a youngster, managing a school project or maintenance around the house. Then, as we transition into younger men, we can help with family decisions. It’s about offering boys a chance to make decisions, to follow through on their commitments, to feel the weight of responsibility. This fosters self-confidence and provides a sense of purpose.

Then, as we venture into manhood, our foundations are built on purpose and responsibility, which helps us live a life of service.

4. Create safe spaces for emotional expression, while teaching consent and boundaries

Encouraging men and boys to speak openly about their feelings is not about going soft or “woke”. It also doesn’t need to be artificially manufactured. It needs to become a natural part of our everyday life. Create environments where emotional literacy is the norm, not the exception, around dinner tables, in the lounge room, in the car, at our sports clubs and in group activities.

We need to get back to the essentials of our human existence. Instead of filling up our time with doomscrolling or countless extracurriculars, promote activities like journalling, group talks and one-on-one discussions. Encourage going back to nature—walks, hikes, swims, surfing, anything. Outdoors is where we’re meant to be!

Use these spaces to have meaningful but non-threatening conversations about life in general, mental health, family, and important topics like consent and sexual health. In these conversations, give real-world examples of what respecting boundaries and healthy communication in relationships look like.

Teach respect for boundaries

From a young age, make sure boys understand that everyone has boundaries and that it’s important to respect those boundaries. This includes teaching them that if someone says “No”, the answer is “No”. Teach them the importance of asking for consent, whether in games, conversations or even with physical touch.

Model healthy relationships

Show them what respectful communication and healthy boundaries look like in your own relationships. Whether it’s a conversation with a partner, your children or extended family, model how to set boundaries and negotiate with kindness and mutual respect.

Foster conversations about gender equality

Encourage exploring ideas around gender equality, respect and shared responsibility. Discuss how much of the house duties and caregiving women do compared with men, and why this is not fair nor sustainable. Talk about wages, pay, traditional gender roles, and get everyone in the home or class to explore these topics. Guide the conversation, but allow boys to feel safe to say the wrong thing, and the conversation to get messy and politically incorrect.

Article supplied with thanks to Mum’s At The Table

About the Author: Adriana is Mums At The Table’s part-time digital content creator and writes from Kingscliff, Queensland.

Feature image: canva.com

It’s not Insta-worthy styling and curated birthday themes, but rather the feeling of being the main character who’s visibly, publicly acknowledged.

You know the feeling. You’re scrolling at 10pm, you see somebody’s beautifully styled dessert table with a colour palette and a themed backdrop, and a small voice in your head says, Is that the bar now? Is that what I’m supposed to be doing?

It isn’t. But the voice is persistent and it’s worth talking about honestly, because the pressure is real and it lands almost entirely on mums.

Here’s the thing worth holding onto. Ask an adult what they remember about their childhood birthdays and you’ll rarely get a description of the decorations. What comes back is smaller and stranger. Being allowed to choose dinner. A parent making a fuss at breakfast. A particular cake that was slightly wrong but was theirs. Being, for one day, unmistakably the main character.

That last part is the whole thing. What a child is actually after on their birthday is the feeling of being visibly, publicly celebrated. Not the production value. The visibility.

Which is why some of the cheapest things you can do land hardest.

The Badge Thing

This sounds almost too simple, but it works on kids in a way that’s slightly hilarious.

Give a small child something to wear that announces it’s their birthday and they will not take it off. Personalised birthday badges with their name and their new age on them get worn to the shops, to the park, to bed. It’s a wearable announcement and it means every adult they encounter that day says “Happy birthday!” without being prompted.

That’s the mechanism. You’ve outsourced the celebrating to the entire neighbourhood. The kid gets a full day of strangers making a fuss, and it costs you a few dollars and no effort at all.

It works particularly well for the ages where the birthday is enormously important but the child doesn’t yet care about anything aesthetic. Roughly three to eight years, in my experience of watching this play out.

Morning Matters More Than The Party

If you do nothing else, do the morning.

Kids wake up on their birthday already vibrating. The first hour sets the tone for the whole day and it’s the cheapest hour to make special. Streamers taped across the bedroom doorway that they have to burst through. Their name spelled out on the table. Pancakes or whatever passes for a treat breakfast in your house. Being allowed to open one thing before school.

None of this requires planning beyond a five-minute trip to the cupboard the night before. All of it gets remembered.

If You’re Doing A Party, One Genuinely Useful Trick

Here’s a thing nobody warns you about: At most kids’ parties, the guests don’t all know each other.

You’ve got school friends, a couple of cousins, the neighbour’s kids, someone from swimming. They arrive, they clump into the groups they came in and it takes half the party before anyone mixes. Meanwhile you’re trying to remember which child is which so you can supervise, feed and eventually return them all to the correct adult.

Name badges solve both problems at once and they cost almost nothing. The kids get to find each other by name instead of hovering awkwardly. You get to call every child by name, which does more for party-wide behaviour than you’d expect. And when someone’s parent turns up early, you know which child belongs to them.

Let Them Make Things

If you want the birthday to fill an afternoon without you running an activity, hand the making over to the kids.

Craft that produces something wearable beats craft that produces something that gets left behind. Badge kits, where each kid designs and assembles their own, work well because everyone finishes with something they chose. Make them together at the party and the activity and the party favour become the same thing, which is one fewer decision and one fewer bag of plastic going home.

Same principle applies on the birthday itself. A child making their own thing is a child occupied and pleased with themselves, which is roughly the goal.

What You’re Allowed To Skip

This is the part that matters most and it’s the shortest.

You don’t have to have a theme. You don’t have to bake. There’s no requirement to invite the whole class and there’s no requirement to do a party at all. Some years, a day out with two friends is better in every way.

You’re also allowed to have a bad birthday. Kids get overtired and melt down at their own parties with impressive regularity. It doesn’t mean you got it wrong.

The comparison problem is worth naming too. What you’re looking at online is a curated moment, staged and photographed, and sometimes staged specifically to be photographed. It isn’t a documentary of how that family’s day went. Measuring your ordinary day against someone else’s best three seconds is a fight you can’t win and your child isn’t running that comparison anyway.

The Actual Measure

Did they feel like the most important person in the house for a day?

That’s it. That’s the whole test. A badge on the jumper, streamers on a doorway, their name shouted at breakfast, being asked what they want for dinner and having the answer honoured, even though it’s beige and comes with chips.

The elaborate version is lovely if you enjoy making it. Genuinely, if styling a party is your thing, do it and have a great time. But if it’s an obligation you’re carrying because you think it’s the standard, put it down. It isn’t the standard, and it never was.

Article supplied with thanks to Mum’s At The Table

About the Author: Adriana is Mums At The Table’s part-time digital content creator and writes from Kingscliff, Queensland.

Feature image: Via Canva.com

Chores aren’t just about cleaning the house.

According to child psychologist, Susan Woodworth, it’s important that our children contribute to the household, and part of this is taking part in jobs around the house.

“You want them to grow into responsible people who have an internal sense of being driven, responsibility. It keeps them engaged in your family even when there’s no one there to reward them.”

Pocket Money

When asked about incentivising it with pocket money, Susan said, “When we link pocket money to chores, we can actually undermine the thing that we’re trying to build in our children.”

“Imagine giving your child an allowance to scrub the toilet. They’d probably do it, but only as long as the money keeps coming. Once you stop giving them pocket money or the allowance, the toilet scrubbing is going to stop too.”

Susan reinforced the need for them to contribute to the family, home and society.

“You want them to be engaged, contributing members of their community.”

It Has to be Done

The reason we teach our children to do chores is not so they will learn about reward, but because they are learning that things need to get done and that collectively, we’re the ones to do it.

“It has to be done, and you actually like to use a clean toilet. It’s intrinsically motivating.”

Susan explains that there are two types of motivations.

“There’s extrinsic motivation, which comes from outside the person, such as rewards, sticker charts and pocket money. Intrinsic [motivation] is the inner drive to do something because it feels meaningful or worthwhile.”

If chores are only linked to pocket money, that drive will only last as long as the pocket money that is coming in.

“But if it’s intrinsic, they’ll want to do it because it actually feels good, it feels worthwhile, they want to help. And they like things clean.”

Belonging

Susan acknowledged that it is difficult to get teenagers to care about chores and to see the value in cleaning. But it’s actually about belonging.

“ When kids feel like valued members of the family, they want to contribute. It’s wired into us. Like as humans, we want to belong. So instead of framing chores as like this job we have to do, we can frame them as, this is how our family takes care of each other. This is how our family takes care of our home.”

Change the Language

“The language can change a bit. It’s their way of saying, ‘I love my family and I want to be part of the team helping it run’.”

Some families don’t even use the word chores or jobs. They simply add it to ‘things that help our family’ and they do the task together.

“Those small word changes can change how a child relates to the things you’re doing.”

Allowances

Susan said there is an allowance to giving your children an allowance based on chores.

“When there is bigger stuff, because it’s good for your children to have an allowance and pocket money as well. It’s good for them to learn to manage money and earn money. So for those above and beyond chores, like washing your car or weeding and mowing the lawn.”

She stressed it is more of an opportunity for them to understand how to earn money. Then they can weigh up effort and reward which is a skill they should be taught.

“Is it worth $5 to mow the entire lawn? Oh, actually, maybe it is,” she said.

“It’s about getting the system that works for your family, not the perfect system. It’s about staying connected to why you’re building those skills for the child that you’re going to guide into adulthood. You need to let your kids know that they belong to your family and your family runs on love and contribution and yes, even a clean bathroom every now and again.”

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

Feature image: Canva

Real financial literacy is about helping kids develop the skills to make good money choices throughout life.

When most people think about financial literacy, they picture lessons about money, saving and budgeting. While those are certainly important, true financial education is about much more than teaching children how to count coins or fill up piggy banks.

Real financial literacy is about helping kids develop the confidence, financial knowledge and capability to make good choices throughout life.

The challenge is that many parents aren’t entirely sure what financial literacy looks like in everyday life. How do you know if your child is developing the right financial skills? And if money isn’t something you feel particularly confident about yourself, how do you help set them up for a stronger financial future?

Instead of focusing on what your child knows, it can be helpful to focus on what they can do. Here are 15 signs your child is developing strong financial literacy and the good financial habits that support long-term financial wellbeing.

1. Can they explain where money comes from?

Many children grow up seeing tap-and-go payments, online shopping and digital transactions without ever seeing much physical cash. A child with growing financial literacy understands that money is earned through work, providing value, running businesses or investing. They understand that money doesn’t simply appear when a card is tapped. This is one of the most important financial concepts for young people to learn at a young age.

2. Can they tell the difference between a want and a need?

If your child sees something they like in a shop, can they recognise the difference between wanting it and actually needing it? Understanding wants and needs helps kids make better financial decisions and encourages more thoughtful spending throughout everyday life.

3. Can they save towards a goal?

Whether it’s a bike, concert ticket, sports equipment or their first car, learning to work towards financial goals is a key part of financial education. Many children start with piggy banks, while older ones may use a savings account. The method matters less than the lesson: Setting a target, making a plan and sticking with it. Developing good financial habits around saving can have a lasting impact on future financial success.

4. Can they wait before making a purchase?

Modern technology has made spending money easier than ever. Can your child pause before buying something and consider whether they still want it tomorrow? Learning delayed gratification helps young people avoid impulse purchases and make smarter choices with their money.

5. Can they create a simple budget?

A budget doesn’t need to be complicated. If your child receives pocket money, birthday cash or income from a small job, can they decide how much to spend, how much to save and how much to set aside for future plans? Simple budgeting skills help build confidence with money management and prepare children for greater responsibility later on.

6. Can they earn their own money?

Financial literacy isn’t just about managing money, it’s also about understanding how it is earned. Whether it’s helping with extra jobs, selling handmade items, doing odd jobs for neighbours or working part-time in high school, earning money helps kids connect effort with reward. Many young people develop a stronger appreciation for their spending when they’ve worked to earn the money themselves.

7. Can they explain the difference between debit cards and credit cards?

Many adults use cards every day without explaining how they work. A child developing strong financial knowledge should understand that debit cards use money already available, while credit cards allow people to borrow money and repay it later, but of course with a catch. These are essential financial concepts that support future personal finance decisions.

8. Can they understand that debt isn’t free money?

As kids get older, they should begin learning that borrowing has consequences. Whether it’s loans, buy-now-pay-later services or credit cards, debt can be useful when managed responsibly, but it must be repaid. Understanding this early can help young people make more informed choices about their future finances.

9. Can they compare value, not just price?

The cheapest option isn’t always the best option. Can your child compare two things and explain which offers better value? This skill becomes increasingly important as young people encounter advertising, brands, and a growing range of financial products and consumer choices.

10. Can they learn from a money mistake?

Most adults can remember a purchase they regretted. The same should be true for kids. Positive financial behaviours often develop through experience. A disappointing purchase can teach lessons that no lecture ever could. Learning from mistakes is an important part of building financial capability.

11. Can they understand how a savings account grows money?

A child doesn’t need to become a banker to understand the basics. However, they should know that a savings account can earn money through interest rates and that compound interest allows savings to grow over time. Teaching compound interest at an early age can have a significant impact on financial futures.

12. Can they talk openly about money?

For many generations, discussions about money were considered off-limits. Today, more parents are helping children understand money management through open conversations about spending, saving, goals and decision-making. The more comfortable kids become discussing money, the more likely they are to make informed decisions as adults.

13. Can they recognise social pressure and marketing?

As young people move through school, social influences become stronger. Friends, trends, brands and advertising can all affect spending choices. Financially capable children learn to question whether they genuinely want something or whether they’re simply feeling pressure to fit in. This awareness helps support smart financial decisions and healthier money habits.

14. Can they understand trade-offs?

One of the most practical financial skills is understanding that every choice has a consequence. Spending money on one thing often means not having enough for something else. Children who understand trade-offs tend to make more thoughtful and informed financial decisions because they can see the bigger picture.

15. Can they think about their future self?

Perhaps the ultimate sign of growing financial literacy is the ability to think beyond today. Can your child connect today’s choices with tomorrow’s opportunities?

Learning to care about their future self encourages better financial planning, stronger personal financial management and helps build the habits that contribute to long-term financial security, financial stability and eventual financial independence.

The goal isn’t perfection

No child will master every item on this list overnight. Financial literacy develops gradually through conversations, experiences and opportunities to practise. Some younger children will naturally enjoy saving, while others learn best by making mistakes. Some kids will become planners, while others will need more guidance along the way.

The important thing is helping children build positive financial behaviours, strong financial capability and good financial habits that support lifelong financial wellbeing.

One day, today’s kids will become adults making decisions about bank accounts, mortgages, investments and their own families’ finances. The lessons they learn now can shape their financial futures for decades to come.

Article supplied with thanks to Mum’s At The Table

About the Author: Adriana is Mums At The Table’s part-time digital content creator and writes from Kingscliff, Queensland.

Feature image: Canva

In a world proliferated by the use of AI, what do parents need to know to keep their children safe from the unspoken dangers?

What would you expect to hear if you asked 300 teens about their last use of AI? One student told me he’d made gravy for dinner the previous night. Big tick!

But every other student—all aged 14 and 15—had used it instead of thinking. They’d used it to find out how to ask someone on a date, to cheat, to do their homework, to ask for tips on getting more pocket money, to bully a peer and even to compose email messages so they didn’t have to waste time considering how they might respond.

In short, they outsourced their thinking to a machine, which will then use what they ask to feed the hungry algorithms that determine what pops into their social media accounts. A cycle that becomes increasingly vicious.

The Unspoken Dangers of AI

AI is not—and will not—be included in any social media ban, and some of its dangers are lost in the headlines that warn about romances with chatbots and the use of AI deep fake imagery.

Of course those instances, which are increasingly common, can lead to harrowing outcomes. Indeed eSafety research this week shows that more than half of children (54 per cent) who are using AI assistants and companions do so for personal and social reasons (like talking about their feelings and discussing their mental health).

Heartbreakingly, as a sign of how lonely many of our children are, one in three AI users are sharing big secrets with AI—and that includes photographs!

The public discussion about that is loud, and that means that we, as parents and carers, are increasingly aware of it. But what about that use that might not be so obvious, and takes over the importance of our children thinking for themselves?

Experts I spoke to in my year-long research warned that could lead to the loss of other skills that are crucial for our children’s growth and development. Not just research skills, but persistence and grit, communication and negotiation. 

I really think we need to talk more about that.

Digital Footprints and AI

Just consider this one fact: By the time our children celebrate becoming a teenager at 13, they will have more than 70 million data points on them, online. 70 million!

This will include everything from their names and birthdays to their search histories, movies they’ve watched (and for how long), anything they’ve bought, wearable device data, location histories and even their school app usage—all taken from their social media usage, games, mobile apps and even information shared by us.

Our children’s digital footprint actually begins before birth (through pregnancy and baby apps) and it grows as they do. That data can then be used for profiling, targeted advertising, to influence their own feeds and for nefarious and criminal pursuits. And it will only grow exponentially with our children’s use of AI.

So what should we—and can we—do?

The Virtues of AI

Firstly, we need to understand that AI is not bad; it’s how it is used that presents problems. I was given numerous examples by teachers on how AI could enhance a student’s knowledge. 

In one case, a language student struggled with memory and flash cards. He developed a plot, with the help of AI and his teacher, where he pretended he was a character in a German story. He loved it, and his grades skyrocketed.

Even young children can use AI, with our guidance, to practise sounds, learn to draw, and create stories and rhymes. They can role-play explorers or a queen’s reign or pretend they’re a scientist making an important discovery.

For slightly older children, it can be used to write music, design games, create cartoon characters, organise an essay and even create study guides.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

But if we, as parents, don’t understand how it operates or allow our children to use it wrongly, they can be led down rabbit holes that will break hearts, theirs and ours.

What Exactly is AI?

AI is not like a Google search engine. It’s more advanced and more predictive. It’s like a super computer that has learned from millions of examples and doesn’t operate with any fixed set of rules. 

For this article, I asked AI how it would explain itself to parents and this was its response: “It’s a bit like a person who’s read a huge library of books and can recognise patterns, answer questions and help solve problems, but it doesn’t think or understand the world the way people do.”

One teacher urges us, as parents and carers, to consider how our smartphone predicts the next word when we are writing a text. He says AI is the “V8 Holden Commodore’’ version of that. It’s supercharged . . . and predicting what comes next. 

Children report that AI tools, like assistants and companions, sometimes suggest that they are the only “person” who really understands them and even tells them that they won’t be okay without their friendly bot. eSafety research also shows children are told by AI that “it” can become jealous of them spending time with friends and families.

Like most good things in life, it’s moderation that is the key. And for us to determine the appetite in our own families for our children’s use of it, we need to understand it. At the beginning of my research, about 15 months ago, I didn’t. So I played and played. I logged in and tried to learn what it is capable of doing.

Please think about that; we need to know this better than our children. You might see that it is terrific for deciding on a cheap meal using the leftovers in the fridge. Tick. And you will certainly see how it responds to questions your child asks. 

Teach Our Kids to Think

That same teacher I mentioned above also told me this, in my research. “It’s eye-waveringly powerful technology. I don’t think we can safety assume that if we do nothing and don’t show them how it works, they’ll stumble onto the right answer.’’

Another expert, Dr Zena Assaad, a senior lecturer at Australian National University, urges parents grappling with their child’s engagement with AI to ask this question: Is the child’s engagement a problem or is it an AI problem?

That’s because a teen’s use of AI (or computer games of that matter) might be more rooted in their loneliness or their social isolation than in their use of AI, for example. And Dr Zena also warns parents about the possibility of their child falling into trouble using AI.

“Your kid is capable of doing these things. All kids are.’’

One other factor we can use to encourage our teens to think, before they pop their homework into ChatGPT or ask it to script an email. To run, AI needs a phenomenal amount of computing power, which is largely driven by fossil fuel consumption. One study determined the energy used for a single ChatGPT query was between 50 and 90 times that of a conventional search query.

That might just be the best argument for our children, and us, to use it sparingly and wisely.

Article with thanks to Mums at the Table.

Madonna King is an award-winning journalist, author and commentator. Her ninth book is called Fathers and Daughters and it follows her award-winning book Being 14.

Feature image: Canva

Four Warning Signs to Watch For and How Parents Can Respond

Collette Smart, a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker and internationally published author with 25 years’ experience working in private and public schools as well as in private practice, says parents should focus on patterns rather than isolated moments in their teens behaviour.

“We’re not talking about a one-off bad day… we’re looking for something that’s becoming a pattern,” Collette said.

Behaviour changes that continue over time often signal something deeper.

Four key warning signs parents can watch for:

1. Withdrawal and disconnection from family, friends or activities
2. Risk-taking behaviour, including unsafe choices or concerning relationships
3. Changes in school performance or motivation
4. Expressions of hopelessness or distress

Even comments made lightly about not being here anymore should be taken seriously.

“It is not attention-seeking behaviour… it means your child is in a place of distress,” Collette said.

How parents can respond

When teens show signs of distress, Collette said it is important to understand what is behind the behaviour.

“Crisis behaviour is often communication. It’s not defiance,” she said.

Connection helps teens feel safe enough to open up.

Rather than reacting quickly with correction or discipline, parents are encouraged to slow down and prioritise connection. Simple moments such as sitting together, sharing a meal or going for a walk can help rebuild trust and create space for conversation.

“Teens need emotional safety first,” Collette said.

Listening carefully, asking gentle questions and staying present can help create that sense of safety.

Connection before correction

According to Collette, timing matters, particularly during emotional moments.

In the middle of a crisis, discipline is not the first response.

“Be that safe space in the storm,” she said. In difficult moments, a calm and steady response matters most.

Once things settle, parents can return to conversations about boundaries and next steps, including professional support if needed. Teens do not always ask for help directly, but their behaviour often reflects what they are experiencing.

Staying calm, present and connected can help young people feel supported and less alone during difficult seasons.

Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.

Feature image: Canva