Have you ever noticed how quickly your mood can change? You can be enjoying a wonderful day when, almost without warning, a single thought enters your mind. It might be about your finances, your health, your family or something happening at work.

Before long, that one thought has become several, and the peace you were enjoying has disappeared.

That happened to me only a few weeks ago.

I was driving to church on a Sunday afternoon. It was a beautiful day, and I was looking forward to catching up with everyone. I was in a great mood and thankful for all God had been doing in my life.

Then, out of nowhere, my thoughts turned to our finances.

Almost immediately my mind filled with questions. How are we going to pay these bills? Where is the money going to come from? What if things don’t improve?

Nothing around me had changed. I was still driving to church on the same beautiful afternoon. There hadn’t been a phone call with bad news or an unexpected bill arriving in the mail. The only thing that had changed was what I was thinking about.

Within a couple of minutes, I could feel the anxiety building. The joy I’d been experiencing was being replaced by worry, and I knew that if I allowed those thoughts to continue, they would rob me of the peace I’d started the day with.

Then the Lord gently brought a familiar passage of Scripture to mind.

Philippians 4:6–7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Those verses weren’t new to me, but on that afternoon they became exactly what I needed.

Instead of continuing the conversation in my own head, I decided to have a conversation with God.

I prayed out loud as I drove.

“Lord, I’m not going to carry this by myself. You know exactly what we’re facing. You’ve always provided for us before, and I trust You to provide again. Thank You for Your faithfulness.”

Almost immediately, something changed.

The circumstances hadn’t altered, but my perspective had. The heaviness lifted, and instead of thinking about everything that could go wrong, I found myself remembering all the times God had faithfully looked after us in the past. My confidence returned because my focus had shifted from my problems to God’s faithfulness.

Looking back, that week turned out to be one of the best I’d had in a long time. Yet the greatest blessing wasn’t that everything worked out. It was being reminded that God’s peace doesn’t depend on our circumstances. It depends on where we place our trust.

Many of us underestimate the influence our thoughts have on our lives. We replay conversations, imagine worst-case scenarios and worry about things that haven’t even happened. We convince ourselves we’re preparing for the future when, in reality, we’re feeding our anxiety.

Paul doesn’t simply tell us to stop worrying. He gives us something better to do. He tells us to bring every concern to God in prayer and to do it with thanksgiving. While we’re telling God about today’s problem, we’re also remembering His faithfulness yesterday. Gratitude changes our perspective. It reminds us that the God who has carried us before will carry us again.

That doesn’t mean our problems instantly disappear. Bills still need to be paid. Health challenges don’t always vanish overnight. Relationships still need healing. But when we place those burdens into God’s hands, we no longer have to carry them alone.

Perhaps that’s exactly what you need to do today. Maybe there’s something that’s been occupying your thoughts for days or even weeks. You’ve replayed every possible outcome and tried to solve it from every angle, yet you’ve found very little peace.

Why not do what I did in the car that Sunday afternoon? 

Stop for a moment and talk to God. Tell Him exactly what’s on your heart. Thank Him for the ways He’s been faithful in the past, and trust Him with whatever lies ahead. You may not receive every answer immediately, but you can experience His peace today.

When anxious thoughts come knocking, don’t invite them to stay. Turn them into a prayer instead. As you do, you’ll discover that God’s peace is greater than your greatest worry, and His faithfulness is stronger than your deepest fear.

About the Author: Ken is the host of Sunday Mornings and The Week Ahead at Rhema 99.7 in Newcastle, NSW.

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Loneliness and social isolation are serious public health threats, so Shed Happens started a men’s group in a truck yard.

Read more: Shed Happens: Building Connections And Support For Men

Shed Happens is an organisation that has been helping Aussie men find connection, encouragement and friendship for almost 25 years. Founded by the late Ian ‘Watto’ Watson, Shed Happens was built on Ian’s motto that he’d “never seen a bloke go backwards with encouragement”.

Vern Wilson- a committee member of Shed Happens- explains how this innovative program moves beyond conventional community group models by focusing on heartfelt conversations.

“ If you give men a safe environment, they generally will open up and talk more freely about things that they’re going through,” Vern said.

“ Instead of being like a woodwork shed, we’re a shed that actually interviews people. The topics cover the good, the bad, the sad and the ugly, and we have men involved across every age group.”

Shed Happens in full swing at Watto’s truck yard in Murrumba Downs. Image credit: Supplied

The initial idea for the ministry came after the loss of one of Watto’s good mates Greg Polinski to suicide in the late nineties.

Before his passing, Greg didn’t know how to share what he was going through with those around him.

“He sadly took his life because we couldn’t talk – we didn’t know how. So that has been a major driver behind Shed Happens. We want to help men tell their story in a supportive environment without judgement. We can’t be isolated from each other – connection touches people’s hearts.”

Vern shared how Watto noticed how men would open open up to him in the cab of a truck, while receiving lessons and training.

“Watto had a truck driver training business, and he would give lessons to men getting their truck licenses, and he found the one-on-one time was just so incredible with these guys.

“They would sit and talk about issues in their life that often you’d never get to hear about. And he thought, why couldn’t we bring men together with a format that actually allows a safe place for these men to come along and talk.”

Founder of Shed Happens Ian ‘Watto’ Watson was also an author of four books. Image credit: Justin Rouillon

By offering a welcoming environment, Shed Happens enables men to discuss issues they face, including topics like relationships, health, and personal struggles.

Originally starting in a church setting, Watto moved the gathering to his Murrumba Downs truck yard, to help men who may have otherwise found it difficult to set foot inside a church.

“ Absolutely any bloke can come along irrespective of their background, their culture, whether they go to church or not,” said Vern. “The aim of these meetings is to draw people in that are needing a bit of help and needing somewhere to go for friendship – it’s all about connecting.”

Watto (right) leads a Shed Happens gathering. Image credit: Supplied

Shed Happens has now spread all over Australia. For those looking at ways to support and encourage men, it’s an easy gathering to get up and running.

“ It doesn’t need to run in a shed. It doesn’t need to run under a church covering. It just needs a few good guys that say, ‘Hey, I’ve been through the battle of life. I’d like to support somebody else in the journey.’

“ A lot of our guys run sheds out of a coffee shop; they just ask if they can sit in the back corner with ten or twelve people around a table and just do a morning tea.”

Find out more about Shed Happens.

If anything in this story has affected you, contact Lifeline or Beyond Blue.

Justin is an audio and podcast producer with Rise 96.5. He is the writer and host of the documentary The Rise & Fall of Easterfest, which looks back at how Easterfest grew into a major Christian music festival, and the events that led to its conclusion.

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There’s a quiet lie many of us believe: happiness means not having to do anything hard.

No pressure. No responsibility. No difficult conversations. Just peace, comfort, clean sheets, iced coffee, and everyone leaving us alone.

And honestly? That sounds wonderful… for about three hours.

But psychology tells a different story.

The happiest people are not usually the people with the easiest lives. They are often the people with clear, meaningful, challenging goals.

Goals that stretch them. Goals that give them purpose. Goals that often involve giving, building, serving, loving, healing, parenting, creating, or contributing to something beyond themselves.

They are not happy because life is easy. They are fulfilled because life has meaning. That is where grit comes in.

What is grit?

Psychologist Angela Duckworth famously describes grit as “passion and perseverance for very long-term goals.”

In her research, grit is not just about working hard for a few weeks when motivation is high. It is about staying committed to something meaningful over time, especially when progress is slow, boring, disappointing, or difficult.

Grit is not hype.

Hype says, “I feel motivated today.” Grit says, “This matters, so I’m still here.”

It is the student who keeps studying after a disappointing result.
The parent who repairs after a hard day.
The couple who chooses communication over emotional withdrawal.
The person in therapy who keeps doing the work, even when healing feels painfully slow.

Duckworth also notes that grit is “living life like it’s a marathon, not a sprint.” That is a helpful image, because meaningful growth rarely happens in one dramatic burst. It is usually built through small, repeated acts of courage.

Grit is not glamorous.

But it is powerful. The happiest people often have hard goals.

We tend to think happiness comes from comfort. But research on wellbeing suggests that humans need more than pleasure to flourish.

Positive psychology researcher Martin Seligman’s PERMA model identifies five key ingredients of wellbeing: positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment. In other words, a flourishing life is not just about feeling good. It is also about being deeply engaged, connected, purposeful, and able to work towards things that matter.

This helps explain why a life built only around comfort can start to feel strangely empty.

More convenience does not always equal more joy. More entertainment does not always equal more peace. More self-focus does not always equal more fulfilment.

Sometimes the thing we call “peace” is actually avoidance wearing slippers.

Of course, rest matters. Safety matters. Nervous system regulation matters. We are not machines, and burnout is not a badge of honour.

But a life with no meaningful challenge can leave us feeling flat, restless, and disconnected from our own strength.

We were not made only to consume comfort. We were made to grow.

Grit gives us direction

Self-Determination Theory, developed by psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, suggests that people flourish when three core psychological needs are met: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Put simply, we do better when we have a sense of choice, a sense that we are growing, and a sense of connection with others.

Meaningful hard goals can help meet all three.

A clear goal gives us direction.
A challenging goal builds competence.
A generous goal connects us to something beyond ourselves.

This is why clear-cut, hard goals can be surprisingly good for our mental health. Not crushing, unrealistic goals. Not perfectionistic goals. Not goals built on shame.

But goals that are anchored in meaning.

“I want to become emotionally healthy.”
“I want to build a strong marriage.”
“I want to parent with patience and presence.”
“I want to create something that helps others.”
“I want to heal, not just cope.”
“I want to live a life that contributes.”

These kinds of goals give the mind somewhere meaningful to go.

Grit is often connected to love

One of the most beautiful things about gritty people is that their goals often move beyond themselves.

They are not just chasing success, image, money, platform, or personal achievement. Often, their deepest goals are connected to love.

“I want to be a present parent.”
“I want to serve my community.”
“I want to become emotionally safe for the people I love.”
“I want to break a family pattern.”
“I want to become the kind of person younger me needed.”

Research on prosocial behaviour shows that helping and contributing to others can support mental health and wellbeing.

We are wired for connection, and something powerful happens when our goals are not only about self-enrichment but also about love, service, and contribution.

That does not mean becoming a people-pleaser or abandoning yourself. That is not grit. That is burnout in a cardigan.

Healthy grit is not self-neglect. It is values-based perseverance.

It asks:

“What matters?”
“Who am I becoming?”
“Who is my life blessing?”

Hard does not always mean wrong.

We live in a culture that often treats discomfort as a warning sign.

If the job is hard, quit.
If the relationship is hard, leave.
If the discipline is hard, stop.
If healing is hard, distract yourself.
If the gym is hard, buy new activewear and call it a wellness era.

But discomfort is not always danger.

Sometimes discomfort is the feeling of growth. Sometimes it is what happens when old patterns are being challenged. Sometimes it is the gap between who you have been and who you are becoming.

Grit helps us tell the difference between something that is harmful and something that is simply hard.

That distinction matters.

Some things should be quit: toxic environments, unsafe relationships, chronic over-functioning, unrealistic expectations, and goals built on shame.

But some things should not be abandoned simply because they are difficult.

A healthy marriage will be hard sometimes.
Emotional healing will be hard sometimes.
Parenting will be hard sometimes.
Building anything meaningful will be hard sometimes.

Grit says, “Hard does not automatically mean wrong.”

The brain loves immediate rewards.

That is why scrolling feels easier than studying. Snacking feels easier than meal prepping. Avoiding a hard conversation feels easier than repairing a relationship. Staying the same often feels safer than changing.

Long-term goals require us to tolerate the gap between effort and reward.

That gap is where many people quit.

Grit helps us stay in the middle — the unglamorous place where progress is happening, but not always quickly. Where no one is clapping. Where the result is not obvious yet. Where consistency feels ordinary.

Most transformation does not happen in one dramatic moment. It happens through repeated choices.

The apology.
The walk.
The journal entry.
The therapy session.
The budget.
The boundary.
The honest conversation.
The decision to try again tomorrow.

This is why grit matters so much for mental health. It teaches us that our future is often shaped less by one huge breakthrough and more by the tiny things we keep returning to.

Grit is not just talent

One of Duckworth’s central arguments is that talent alone is not enough. Potential matters, but what we do with that potential matters too. This is encouraging because many people disqualify themselves too early.

They think, “I’m not naturally disciplined.”
“I’m not confident.”
“I’m not good at this.”
“I always start and stop.”
“I’m just not that kind of person.”

But grit reminds us that growth is not reserved for naturally motivated people. Perseverance can be practised. Resilience can be strengthened. Focus can be trained. Passion can deepen over time.

Grit is not about being the most gifted person in the room. It is about becoming the kind of person who keeps showing up for what matters.

How do we grow in grit?

We do not grow grit by shaming ourselves into discipline.

Shame might create short bursts of performance, but it rarely creates lasting transformation. Grit grows best in the soil of meaning, hope, support, and practice.

1. Choose goals that actually matter

Not every goal deserves your grit.

Some goals are just borrowed pressure. Some are comparison dressed up as ambition. Some are really attempts to prove you are enough.

Ask yourself:

“Why does this matter?”
“Who does this help me become?”
“Is this connected to my values or my insecurity?”

The clearer the meaning, the stronger the perseverance.

2. Make the goal clear

Vague goals are hard to sustain.

“I want to be healthier” is a wish.
“I will walk for 20 minutes three times a week” is a goal.

“I want a better marriage” is beautiful.
“We will have one phone-free conversation after dinner each night” is clear.

Grit needs clarity.

You cannot persevere with a fog.

3. Expect boredom

Most people do not quit because the dream is impossible. They quit because the middle gets boring.

The beginning is exciting. The end is rewarding. The middle is repetition.

That is why gritty people make peace with ordinary faithfulness. They keep showing up when it is no longer shiny, new, or emotionally thrilling.

Sometimes maturity is doing the right thing while feeling mildly annoyed about it.

4. Learn from setbacks without becoming them

Gritty people are not people who never fail. They are people who interpret failure differently.

Instead of, “I failed, so I am a failure,” they learn to say, “Something did not work. What can I adjust?”

A setback is information.

It is not an identity.

5. Build support

Grit is personal, but it is not meant to be lonely.

We persevere better when we are supported, encouraged, challenged, and reminded of who we are becoming.

Find people who do not just protect your comfort, but call out your courage.

People who can say, “Rest, but don’t quit.”
“Grieve, but don’t give up.”
“Pause, but don’t abandon what matters.”

Grit still needs wisdom. It is important to say this clearly: grit is not a magic solution. It is not “just try harder.” That phrase has probably done more damage than we realise.

The gritty life is not always the easy life. But it is often the meaningful one.

And perhaps the happiest people are not waking up every day to a life with no hard things. Perhaps they are waking up to clear, meaningful goals that are shaping them into people of depth, courage, love, and purpose.

Not perfect people. Growing people. People with room to grow.

Article supplied with thanks to Sabrina Peters.

About the Author: Sabrina is a pastor and a psychologist who is dedicated to helping people experience wholeness and growth. Passionate about building healthy families, she spends her days raising kids, supporting clients, and creating resources that inspire freedom and hope.

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Uncovering the invisible mental load

The “mental load” has been getting a lot of airtime in some circles recently. What is it exactly?

Here’s one definition from a psychologist that came via a friend:

“The mental load is the invisible, ongoing physical, cognitive, emotional energy and effort required to manage daily life, a household and a career. And it goes beyond the physical completion of tasks because it includes the ongoing mental checking of remembering, anticipating, planning, organising so many parts of life, like groceries, bills, appointments, childcare. And it can often involve emotional work of monitoring and maintaining relationships as well as managing emotional states of your nearest and dearest. That seems to create sometimes the biggest load – the constant checking of, is everyone around me okay?

The mental load is traditionally framed in reference to mothers. But I would actually expand the definition. For example, when people move out of home, they might move in with flatmates, and there’s the question of who does what? What if they don’t take out the garbage or share their load of caring for the apartment? Another example is when the first baby enters a family. This can be a big transition for couples. And so the question is, how does this load get managed between the parents? And then there’s the other example of elderly parents. How do adult siblings navigate, who does what, when and how?” – Larissa, psychologist

The past 3 months for me have been particularly challenging. When asked, I will usually respond with we are just about coping, or that I’m still alive. It is hard to admit to anyone, even myself that I am finding it nearly impossible to physically staying awake long enough to:

• Work
• Manage my children’s school and daycare needs
• Maintain the house
• Keep my social battery charged
• Show up for agreed commitments
• Show up for extracurriculars at work that I cared about

In fact I’ve had to make some difficult choices as my capacity reached overload levels.

Four things have been helpful as I navigate this mental load:

1. Moving some tasks from manual to automatic

For me, clarity of values and priorities is the most important element of managing mental load. This is because once I am clear on what is most important, the mental load of worrying about whether I am doing enough or doing the right thing is removed entirely.

For instance, in order to serve my family well emotionally and spiritually, the house has to function. This means that while the living room does not need to be perfectly tidy every single day, the daily grind of things like laundry and packing children’s lunches are not negotiable. I find when things are put on the list of “cannot be dropped” they contribute less to my mental load because they happen automatically.

2. Adopting a minimum standard of care

Practically, I personally find the concept of “minimum standard of care” really helpful with managing my own mental load. Taken from Eve Rodsky’s book Fair Play and being similar in concept to workplace project delivery agile concept known as “Definition of Done” (I work as a Project Manager!), the minimum standard of care (MSC) is an agreed acceptable finish line for routine activities.

This can help reduce the worry (“What if my son is annoyed and hungry because lunch wasn’t what he wanted??”) and the blame (“If only he had packed the dishwasher the way I wanted…”). This is because it helps to shrink the misalignment between expectations and reality. It is about figuring out and agreeing (within each household) what “finished” looks like for a specific task and that no further explanations are needed or taking up valuable mental space.

If I ask my kindergartener to get dressed for school, he knows that he has to find a shirt, pants, jumper, socks and shoes. This means just saying “time to get dressed” is enough, and I don’t need to spend more effort mentally thinking about whether what he is putting on will be appropriate.

3. From Compulsion to Conviction

Once the MSC has a baseline, it is easier to work out how much extra “capacity” is available for the next most important things. This is where things that are non-urgent but still important have a place. Things like spending energy planning the next team event taking into consideration logistics, preferences of those attending, and helping the new person not feel excluded.

I can set aside specific capacity to do these things with conviction rather than compulsion because prioritising things consciously means I do not have FOMO (fear of missing out) for the things that were not able to be accomplished.

4. Following a person not a plan

A friend reminded me of this recently – followers of Jesus follow a person and not a plan.

I find this such a good reminder because I’m big on planning (as I mentioned previously, I work as a Project Manager!). This means so much of how I approach life is driven by my desire to be seen as in control and competent. The pressure I put on myself is adding to my own mental load.

Jesus says: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” [Matthew 11:28-30]

I can come to Jesus and ask him to carry my burdens. He will be good to me.

It doesn’t mean I throw all planning out the window. I still plan, but try to hold my plans a bit more lightly, leaning into Jesus the burden carrier. When I can do that, I find I am less anxious and more adaptable.

Reflection questions

1. Where are you feeling the mental load at the moment?
2. What helps to fuel your mental load?
3. What could you change in terms of your approach to the mental load?
4. What will help make a difference?

Article supplied with thanks to Third Space.

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How to beat the mid-year slump.

Author, Mentor and Speaker Amanda Viviers explores the mid-year wobble, when the energy has worn off, resolutions aren’t prevalent, and many of us are tired and feel like we’ve failed at what we set out to do.

The Essential Mid-Year Reset

Amanda explained why a reset in the middle of the year is essential to avoiding burnout before the year is over. She wrote her master’s thesis on burnout, especially in ministry.

She pointed out that getting her marks back from her thesis was a goal done, as part of her new year aspirations.

“That was one of my goals for the year, right? But if you had have spoken to me three months ago, I was definitely questioning my life choices. Why am I doing this study? Does it really matter?”

Inner Dialogue

Amanda had convinced herself that there was chance she wouldn’t pass.

“I think what I realized in the midst of that is our inner dialogue, the way that we speak to ourselves, actually drains us more than we give it credit for.”

She said a great way to manage this is by setting ourselves smaller, simpler rhythms in our day-to-day in order to curb the pressure and negative self-talk.

“Finding ways to be able to reflect well really changes our relationship with the bigger things in our life.”

Name the Areas

Amanda said that naming the areas that are preventing us from succeeding is part of the goal.

“I think actually naming what’s stopping us from really leaning into the good. So really good reflection and prayer and meditation practices change our ability to be able to do the hard things.”

As an example, Amanda said she has a list of six things she is focusing on.

“Every day I come back to that list and I ask myself, what’s one small thing that I can do to really lean into that?”

Last year she suffered from burnout, so she found that the rhythm of friendship on top of parenting teenagers and volunteering at church reignited her sense of connection.

“So, one of my goals for 2026 is to feel more connected to my friends. So a micro goal around that for me is as simple as call someone today.”

She said that she can wait for other people to contact her when she is busy, but there is a desire to feel connected. Calling her friends is an actionable way to meet that goal and find what she is looking for to reset as she faces the next six months of the year.

Reset and Reframe

“I think it’s really important that we look holistically at our whole life. There’s really good research around burnout and we think it’s workload, I’m doing too much or there is a lot of stress in one area of our life, which is true.”

She continued by zooming out onto the whole picture, in order to reframe what is causing burnout.

“What gives us energy and what drains us? And for all of us, it’s really personal. It changes. All of us have a different relationship with different things.”

Amanda has been holding classes where people write and journal.

“For a lot of people, they think, oh, yeah, journaling, just another thing. Add another 20 minutes, 50 minutes onto my day. Then I have to think deeply about my life and reflection.”

Amanda said that the beauty of journaling is getting out of your head and putting thoughts onto paper in order to gain perspective,

“I’ve had some of the clients that I’ve been working with who are saying to me, I have been struggling with this for three years and the simple act of just writing it down, putting it out on paper, getting some perspective, doing it with someone else, that sense of common clarity together as a group and just feeling like I’m human, I do get things wrong. Just that sense of failure.”

Lean into Failure

Leaning into failure is such a valuable way to learn.

“Often we don’t do the things that we desire to do because we feel so afraid of failing. But the possibility of us being able to really lean into our failures and what are we learning from that failure? What are we learning about why we get stuck in that place? What is God saying to me in this season of my life when I’m sitting with humility with the things where I get stuck?”

The greatest learning stems from that, according to Amanda.

“That is where the energy fires… that aha moment. It’s like, I’ve carried this for so long and it’s now time to put that weight down and to reframe it in a new way.”

The Right Club

The right group of friends will determine how far you take your goals and what effects of burnout you are dealing with.

“There’s some really interesting research around burnout from a researcher called Christina Malak. And she speaks about workload, she speaks about autonomy, that sense of being able to be self-directed. But she speaks really clearly around the power of encouragement and the power of words to be able to really impact us in the positive as well as the negative.”

She said there is power in self-talk, but also in the way that we speak to our children and their schooling. There’s importance in positive reinforcement towards what is good.

Think About Such Things

“How do we get out of our own sense of our inner critic or the imposter that tells us we’re not good enough?”

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” – Philippians 4:8

Amanda said, if someone is outside of that, able to speak with encouragement, exhortation, reminding us who we are in Christ, we can lean into that.

“That is the power of community.”

Make it Smaller

When we are dealing with lofty goals, it is important to start small.

“The world tells us to make our life bigger, so make your life smaller. What is 10 minutes that you could do today? Is it 10 minutes of reading the Bible and asking yourself one question? Walking the block rather than an hour at the gym? Is it 10 minutes of a conversation on a phone with a friend rather than going and staying overnight somewhere.”

She reiterated, we cannot tackle the big things before we start with the small.

Amanda used an analogy of starting small with the big dreams. When she has discussed dreams with her teenage son, he said after school he wants to go to the NBA.

“Okay, mate,” she said, “Let’s just start with 20 baskets in our driveway.”

Top Tips

1. Get out of your head

“Make it physical. At the moment, we have a new puppy. Her name is Cashew. We’ve never had a dog before. And we are trying to train her to go to the toilet outside, you know, all the joys of puppy. We made a bingo card on the fridge and because we want to get the kids involved, they initial each time they take the dog outside.”

2. Gamify it

“How can you put up next to, on the mirror in your bathroom, one thing that you’re going to do and really attain that and do that really simply and find a way to be able to gamify it in a really good way?”

The Importance of Grace

“We are meaner to ourselves than anyone else is to us, and those voices of condemnation actually come from our childhood,” said Amanda.

Perhaps an authority figure said something to us and it frames our inner critic. Amanda said there is a chance to ask if God would show us His thoughts around that part of our life and reframe it with compassion.

“It was really funny, I was speaking at a conference recently and I was talking, got off stage and then another speaker got up and they looked at me and they said, ‘Amanda, God speaks to you so much kinder than he speaks to me.’ And I just sat there and I was like, I have worked so much on reframing how I hear from God as a compassionate, loving father rather than a harsh judge.”

God is Kind

“God is kinder than what we give him credit for. And the way that we hear from him is actually reflected in the way that we speak to ourselves as well. Finding ways to be able to reframe that through scripture, through beautiful worship, and also just reminding ourselves that God loves us, that we are enough, and that he really does believe good things for our year.”

“Grace looks like beginning again through the lens of compassion. It is a powerful way for us to live our everyday.”

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

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Why people become compulsive overachievers (and how to break the cycle)

Have you ever found yourself glued to your desk, long after the clock has struck five, while your friends and family are out enjoying their evening? You’re not alone. Sadly, the term “workaholic” is becoming increasingly common. It describes those who can’t seem to switch off, often to the detriment of their health, relationships, and overall happiness. But what drives someone to become a workaholic?

The Psychology Behind Workaholism

At the heart of workaholism lies a complex mix of psychological, social, and cultural influences. Understanding these can help address the reasons behind our relentless work habits:

1.Identity and Self-Worth

For many, work is more than just a job; it’s a core part of their identity. We often tie our self-esteem to our achievements at work. When our job becomes our primary source of validation, it’s easy to lose sight of what really matters.

Take Lauren, for instance. As a dedicated project manager, she pours herself into her work, believing that her worth is tied to her output. When she takes on more projects, she feels validated. However, this leaves little room for her personal life, and her friendships begin to suffer.

2. Perfectionism

Many workaholics are also perfectionists, setting impossibly high standards for themselves. This desire for perfection can be debilitating, pushing individuals to work harder and longer to meet their own (often unrealistic) expectations.

A study published in Personality and Individual Differences found a strong link between perfectionism and workaholism, suggesting that those with perfectionistic tendencies are more likely to develop a workaholic mindset. It’s a relentless cycle that can lead to burnout.

3. Fear of Failure

Let’s be honest, fear can be a powerful motivator. Many workaholics worry that if they don’t constantly push themselves, they’ll fall behind or disappoint others.

This fear of failure can drive them to put in extra hours, thinking that hard work is the only way to secure their success.

Society often glorifies hard work, equating busyness with success. In many cultures, particularly in the West, we’re taught that working long hours is a badge of honour. This cultural mindset can make it difficult to step back and take a breather.

In Japan, there’s even a term, “karoshi”, which means death from overwork. It’s a stark reminder of the extreme consequences that can arise from a culture that prioritises work over well-being.

The Digital Age

Technology has transformed how we work, making it easier than ever to be “on” 24/7. Smartphones and laptops allow us to stay connected, but they can also blur the lines between work and home life.

According to a Gallup survey, 43% of employees report feeling burned out at work—a condition that can be exacerbated by the constant connectivity that comes with modern technology (Gallup, 2020).

The Impact of Workaholism

While dedication to work can be admirable, the consequences of workaholism can be severe:

Health Problems: Chronic stress can lead to a host of health issues, including anxiety, depression, and even cardiovascular problems. When work takes precedence over self-care, our bodies often pay the price.

Strained Relationships: Workaholics frequently prioritise their jobs over personal relationships. Friends and family may feel neglected, leading to tension and feelings of isolation.

Decreased Productivity: Ironically, working excessively can backfire. Overwork can lead to fatigue and decreased focus, ultimately diminishing the quality of our work.

Finding Balance: Breaking the Cycle

If you recognise these patterns in yourself, know that you’re not alone- and that it’s possible to change. Here are some strategies to help cultivate a healthier work-life balance:

Set Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries between your work and personal life. Decide on specific hours for work and stick to them. Resist the temptation to check emails or complete tasks outside of these hours.

Prioritise Self-Care

Make time for activities that rejuvenate you—whether that’s exercise, hobbies, or simply spending time with loved ones. Remember, self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential.

Seek Professional Support
If workaholism is significantly impacting your life, consider speaking with a mental health professional. Therapy can provide valuable tools to manage perfectionism, fear of failure, and the underlying psychological factors that drive workaholism.

Redefine Success

Shift your definition of success to include not just professional achievements but also personal fulfilment and relationships. Remember that a well-rounded life is a successful life.

While the pressures of modern life can make workaholism feel inevitable, we do have the power to make changes.

By recognising the signs and understanding the motivations behind our work habits, we can take proactive steps toward a more balanced life. Finding that equilibrium is a journey, and it’s one that requires small, intentional choices every day. So, let’s make a conscious effort to switch off, take breaks, and embrace the moments that matter.

After all, while hard work can lead to success, true fulfilment comes from a life well-lived, both inside and outside the office.

Article supplied with thanks to Sabrina Peters.

About the Author: Sabrina is a pastor and a psychologist who is dedicated to helping people experience wholeness and growth. Passionate about building healthy families, she spends her days raising kids, supporting clients, and creating resources that inspire freedom and hope.

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A proper night’s sleep can be hard to find, but good sleep hygiene habits can go a long way to giving you a restful night.

Sleep is one thing we all need; it’s the foundation of everything we do. Yet sometimes it’s the one thing we can’t get, no matter how hard we try. We can go through seasons of life when we struggle to sleep, especially when there are small children in the house or when we are unwell. There can also be temporary disruptions to sleep due to stress or hormonal changes. Sometimes, it can seem as though we might never get a good night’s sleep again. There are things that we can do to support our sleep, and by creating good habits, we are more likely to get the most out of the sleep we do have.

So what is sleep, and what does it do for us?

Sleep has several stages, including NREM and REM. NREM sleep has 3 stages, each with distinct brain wave patterns and characteristics. Rapid eye movements and vivid dreaming characterise the REM stage of sleep. Although scientists don’t know the full extent of what happens when we sleep, it is vital to our bodies because it allows them to regenerate. Sleep plays a role in allowing our brains to store memories, regenerate tissues, and support cognitive function. We need sleep to help us regulate our mood, emotions, and overall wellbeing.

Consistent Sleep and Wake Time

One of the best ways to support your sleep is to maintain a consistent sleep-wake time. Try going to bed and getting up around the same time, even on weekends. It trains your body when to expect rest, and this consistent pattern has positive implications for mood, sleep and even heart health.

Why Does It Work?

Having a consistent wake time is key to setting your circadian rhythm (body clock). This consistency sets biological processes in motion, including the timing of when your body releases cortisol, the hormone that signals your body it’s time to be awake and alert, and the timing of melatonin production in the evening to prepare for sleep.

Cut The Caffeine

If you’re having trouble sleeping, an automatic reaction is to increase caffeine intake during the day to help you stay awake, which can create a vicious cycle. You don’t sleep, so you reach for caffeine, which can, in turn, affect your sleep. Caffeine makes it harder to fall asleep, leading to lighter sleep, and causes you to need the toilet more during the night. When considering our overall caffeine consumption, we need to recognise that it is a stimulant found in foods like chocolate and in many drinks, such as tea, coffee, and cola. Controlling your caffeine intake can significantly improve your sleep.

Why Does It Work?

It is important to note that not everyone responds to caffeine the same way. Some people are more sensitive to caffeine than others, while I have found I have a lower tolerance for caffeine as I age. One way caffeine works in our brains is by blocking adenosine receptors. Adenosine is a chemical that builds up in our brains while we are awake; the more we have, the sleepier we feel. When caffeine blocks the receptors, it can be one of the factors that disrupts sleep, so reducing caffeine allows the natural process to continue. Limiting my coffee intake to two cups a day and not drinking coffee after 12pm has significantly improved my ability to fall asleep and stay asleep.

Ban Bed Rotting

Have you heard the term bed rotting? It refers to the tendency to stay in bed for long periods while awake, binging on Netflix, scrolling on devices, or reading to relax or avoid stress. Bed rotting as a one-off is not necessarily bad, but it can become habitual. Using our bed for things other than sleeping (and intimacy) can affect sleep. If you are struggling to sleep, make it a habit to only use your bed for sleeping and not treat it like a couch. If you are lying awake at night, get out of bed, sit in a darkened room and read until you feel sleepy and then go back to bed.

Why Does it Work?

When we have trouble sleeping, our brain starts to associate the bed with being awake. We can start to link it with anxiety around sleep or with stress. When we start using it as a place to hang out and watch movies or scroll, we add to that association, and before we know it, bed is for everything except sleep. Using your bed only for sleep starts to retrain your brain to see the bed as a place for rest and sleep.

Sleep is a really important part of our overall health and wellbeing, and extensive research is being conducted on the many ways it helps us. If you are struggling with sleep for an extended period and have no explanation for it, it’s worth getting some help. There are a number of specialists who can help with sleep issues, including GPs, psychologists, and naturopaths.

These are just some ways you can support your sleep. Sleep is the foundation on which everything else is built; small changes and good sleep routines can make all the difference.

Article supplied with thanks to Lorrene McClymont.

About the Author: Lorrene McClymont is a writer and photographer from Hope Images. On her blog ‘Moments to Rest’, she shares about rest, faith, and family.

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What domestic and family violence survivors need most is a friend who will listen, believe them, and support them.

When it comes to breaking the cycle of domestic and family violence, small acts of support make a powerful difference.

Simply listening and believing a victim’s story, and offering practical help, could be the lifeline that helps someone break free, even saving their life.

Lilly McKeich is a National Domestic and Family Violence Specialist with the Salvation Army, which helps more than 10,000 people a year in situations of violence.

Lilly says that what victims need most, is to be heard.

“The most powerful thing you can do is definitely listen and believe someone,” she says. “[Because] situations of abuse are so often characterised by silencing and by isolation.”

It’s also vital to respect a victim’s choices, rather than ‘taking charge’.

“Don’t try to rescue someone [or] try to engage the [perpetrator],” says Lilly. “Respect that someone is an expert in their own situation…don’t interrogate them or tell them to leave or anything like that. You can support someone to access a service. Small acts like that can be a real game changer.”

Halting Disrespect Before it Becomes Violent

Working to bring change from another angle is Dave Kramer, ambassador for Small Steps for Hannah. Dave founded the HALT Program, which teaches high-school students about respectful relationships. He’s on a mission to stop disrespect in its tracks.

“Our prevention programs are about the context around violence,” Dave says.

“[We teach people that] we can actually show up as friends, family members, colleagues or even peers in school. [We can] show up at that point of disrespect, and prevent it from getting to the point of abuse.”

The Power of an Act of Kindness

Stacy Jane is a domestic abuse survivor. She fled her partner in the UK, and was brutally attacked when trying to retrieve personal belongings from her home.

She later established Escabags, an Australian charity that provides free escape bags for abuse victims.

“We know that the most lethal time is when a victim is trying to escape, because the perpetrator knows that they’ve lost all control,” Stacy explains. “[Escabags provides] that practical solution… so that they don’t have to go back into the family home.”

What finally helped Stacy to leave her partner, was the kindness of friends who were willing to listen and support.

“Those people would have been well within their right to say, ‘it’s none of our business’… however [they didn’t]. My story is about the power of a random act of kindness… and the ripple effect that that can then go on to have.”

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or distress, please call 1800 RESPECT, or Lifeline: 13 11 14.

Article supplied with thanks to Helping Hands TV.

About the Author: Helping Hands is an Australian produced TV program that airs on 9GEM, Channel 9 and 9NOW, and showcases people and organisations who make the world a better place.

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Why a 5-minute task can feel impossible

I recently had the privilege of attending a workshop on supporting parents of children with ADHD, run by the fantastic Dr Maddi Derrick MAPS. It brought together many concepts and ideas about supporting children and their families that I have been building knowledge on for a long time, and translated them into clear and practical language. Interestingly, I have found many of these ideas applying well beyond ADHD and parenting contexts.

The concepts of executive functioning having a “capacity” and tasks having both visible and invisible “demands” seem foundational, yet they are incredibly important as we consider our own limitations and the judgements we often make about ourselves and others. These ideas can help us proactively set ourselves—and those around us—up for success, while moving away from simply attributing difficulties to “a lack of effort or ability”.

Capacity

What do I mean by capacity? Let’s start with this idea, no matter how much we might want our concentration, emotion regulation and energy to be limitless, they are not. We are finite beings with finite resources. In this context, capacity refers to our self-regulatory ability to function in prompting motivation, maintaining concentration, problem solving, regulating our emotions, and other executive functioning roles. 

Importantly, capacity is not fixed. It fluctuates from day to day and even hour to hour. Poor sleep, illness, stress, grief, anxiety, sensory overload, parenting demands, relationship difficulties and major life transitions can all reduce the resources we have available.

This is often where people become frustrated with themselves. We compare today’s performance to a day when we had greater resources available and conclude that we are lazy, unmotivated or failing. In reality, we may simply be attempting to meet the same demands with significantly less available capacity.

Supporting Capacity

While we cannot create unlimited capacity, there are many ways we can support and protect the capacity we do have. Some examples include:

• Prioritising adequate sleep and rest.
• Taking regular breaks before reaching exhaustion.
• Building routines that reduce decision fatigue.
• Managing stress through movement, mindfulness or social connection.
• Using reminders, calendars, other people and systems to reduce the amount we need to hold in our minds.
• Recognising when our resources are running low and adjusting expectations accordingly.

Rather than asking, “Why can’t I do this?”, it can sometimes be more helpful to ask, “What is my capacity like right now?”

Task(s) Demand

The demands of a task are perhaps more obvious. They include all the requirements and components that draw upon our capacity. However, this also includes the thinking, emotional responses, associations and other internal processes that accompany a task.

For example, if I were asked to build a table, some of the demands would be reading the manual, gathering the tools and physically assembling the pieces. But there are also less visible demands: remembering where the tools are, estimating how long the task will take, tolerating frustration when something does not fit together and trying not to think about my less-than-stellar track record in woodwork at school!

The same principle applies to everyday tasks. Sending an email may involve deciding what to say, remembering previous conversations, worrying about how it will be received and overcoming the urge to continue your current, more interesting task. The visible task is often only part of the story. In reality, when we start to compare our capacity to the demands that we need to undertake, it is usually to a number, collection or lists of different tasks with different demands across a period of class; afternoon of work or whole day. 

Demand Awareness

A helpful skill we can develop is learning to identify the hidden demands attached to a task.

When people say, “I know it’s only a five-minute job, so why can’t I do it?”, there is often an assumption that the visible task is the entire task. Once we unpack it, we frequently discover multiple additional demands competing for the same limited resources.

For example, booking a medical appointment might involve:

• Stopping your favourite relaxing task
• Finding the phone number
• Calling during business hours
• Managing anxiety about making the call
• Remembering relevant information
• Rearranging work or family commitments

What appears simple from the outside may actually draw upon a range of executive functioning skills. [It makes more sense now why I put off seeing the Dentist!]

Developing awareness of these hidden demands can be surprisingly powerful. It helps explain why some tasks feel disproportionately difficult and can reduce our tendency to understand these as personal failings.

Reducing Demands

If capacity and demands interact, there are generally two ways to improve the likelihood of success: support capacity or reduce demands.

Reducing demands is not “taking the easy way out”-  It can be a more sustainable and effective form of moving towards our goals.

Some general examples of this could look like:

• Breaking large tasks into smaller, more manageable steps.
• Preparing materials ahead of time.
• Using visual reminders, checklists or templates.
• Completing challenging tasks during times of higher energy.
• Delegating or sharing parts of a task where possible.
• Reducing distractions in the environment. 
• Allowing “good enough” rather than striving for perfection.

It’s not just completing one task that can benefit from this type of thinking, but also maintaining capacity for other demands in the day.

Bringing it Together

Many of us have been taught to explain success or failure primarily by effort. Sometimes the solution is not to try harder. Sometimes it is making adjustments that better match the resources we have available.

Whether we are supporting a child, partner, colleague or ourselves, it can be helpful to ask two simple questions:

1. What is the current available capacity?
2. What are the visible and invisible demands of this task?

These questions often lead us away from judgement and towards understanding. More importantly, they help us identify practical changes that can make success more likely.

Article supplied with thanks to The Centre for Effective Living.

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Must we be endlessly available, universally liked, and perpetually busy?

We live in a culture that deeply romanticizes exhaustion. We are taught that to be a “good” person—a good partner, parent, friend, or colleague—we must be endlessly available, universally liked, and perpetually busy.

But there is a radical paradox at the heart of human well-being: the choices that feel the most selfish on the surface are often the most generous things we can do for the world. When we look closely at emotional health and sustainable living, we find that real resilience requires us to embrace a few beautiful, counter-intuitive truths.

Paradox #1. Boundary Drawing is Not Selfish, It is Loving

We often avoid setting boundaries because we fear looking cold or withholding, stretching ourselves thin to keep the peace. However, unsustainable enmeshment in relationships inevitably leads to resentment and eventual rupture. Whether it is navigating a relationship with a domineering parent, a friend who constantly takes without giving, or an entitled grown-up child, feeling that your emotions and thoughts are not respected is a recipe for burnout.

In order to remain genuinely connected to the people in your life, you have to make the dynamic sustainable for yourself. Boundary drawing isn’t a wall to shut people out; it is a clear map that defines where you end and they begin, preserving the relationship by preventing the slow burn of hidden frustration.

It is ultimately far more loving to offer an honest, compassionate “No” that protects the bond than a resentful, exhausted “Yes” that quietly erodes it. Clear boundaries eliminate guesswork, allowing you to show up with genuine presence rather than out of a sense of draining obligation. By protecting your own emotional capacity, you ensure that the time and care you do give are authentic, resilient, and built to last.

Paradox #2. Detaching From Others’ Reactions Empowers You to Care Deeper

It sounds noble to absorb everyone’s emotional weather and care deeply about their immediate opinion of you, but people-pleasing is an act of emotional survival rather than genuine connection. When your primary focus is managing how others perceive you or personalizing their unpredictable moods, your energy is entirely consumed by anxiety and internal performance.

Ironically, refusing to personalize others’ emotions frees you up to care for them with far more depth. When you stop treating people as judges to be impressed or problems to be fixed, you clear out the mental noise and can finally see them as human beings to be heard.

Furthermore, if your self-worth is not tied to their immediate emotional state, you can handle their heavy emotions, disappointments, or conflicts without collapsing, overreacting, or getting defensive. Detaching from their approval isn’t about becoming callous; it is about becoming a steady, anchored presence. You are able to love people for who they are in that moment, precisely because you aren’t waiting for them to validate you or fix your own anxiety.

Paradox #3. Resting is Not Lazy, It is the Ultimate Efficiency

We tend to view rest as a luxury or a reward for hard work, something we are only allowed to do once an impossible to-do list hits zero. However, the human brain and nervous system do not operate on a linear scale, and constant grinding quickly yields diminishing returns that lead to foggy thinking, critical mistakes, and emotional volatility. True rest is not a waste of time; it is incubation. Stepping away from the desk or taking a weekend to completely unplug is the very mechanism that sharpens your focus, sparks creativity, and prevents the catastrophic downtime of full burnout.

When you rest, your brain actively processes information, consolidates memory, and regulates stress hormones. True efficiency isn’t about how many consecutive hours you log; it’s about the quality of energy you bring to those hours. Ultimately, rest is not the absence of productivity, but the essential biological framework that makes sustainable productivity possible in the first place.

Paradox #4. Acknowledging Your Vulnerability Makes You Deeper and Safer

We often hide our struggles or assume that admitting we don’t have it all together makes us look weak, incompetent, or fragile. In reality, relentless perfectionism creates emotional distance and signals to others that flaws are unacceptable, while vulnerability creates genuine safety and connection.

When you drop the exhausting act of having everything figured out and honestly acknowledge your human limits, you break down walls and give the people around you permission to drop their heavy armor too. This shared authenticity transforms relationships from superficial performances into deep, resilient bonds, ultimately making you a much safer, more grounded, and trustworthy presence for your family, friends, or colleagues.

Paradox #5. Lowering Your Immediate Standards Often Raises Your Long-Term Impact

The cultural belief that you must give 110% to every single task, every single day, is a direct recipe for mediocrity and burnout. Giving maximum effort to everything means you are scattering your focus and giving nothing your true genius. Embracing “strategic under-achievement”—deliberately choosing to let low-stakes, non-essential balls drop, such as maintaining an immaculate house or instantly responding to every casual email—is not about failing, but about prioritizing.

By intentionally lowering your standards on things that matter less, you actively preserve the deep psychological and physical energy reserves required to hit a home run on the few high-stakes goals that truly define your long-term legacy and impact.

Conclusion: Let’s Fill the Cup First

Ultimately, every single one of these counter-intuitive shifts points to a singular, unyielding truth: you cannot give what you do not have. We have been conditioned to believe that self-sacrifice is the ultimate measure of love and efficiency, but trying to pour from an empty cup is a biological and emotional impossibility. When we refuse to rest, protect our boundaries, or detach from external validation, we aren’t actually giving more to the world—we are simply offering it the bitter, exhausted residue of our resentment and fatigue.

Looking after yourself first is not a luxury, nor is it a detour from your responsibilities; it is the absolute prerequisite for them. If your goal is to love deeply, care authentically, and make a meaningful, long-term impact on the people around you, then protecting your own mental and physical well-being is the most radical, effective, and loving act of service you can perform.

Article supplied with thanks to The Centre for Effective Living.

About the Author: Jennifer Chu is a psychologist who is passionate about therapy, experienced in a range of mental health issues including anxiety, depression, social adjustment issues, stress management, and cross-cultural issues and more.

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